Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

Yesterday was my 39th birthday. My last good year. Wah. Oh, who am I kidding. My last good year was 25. In the looks department, that is. I'll be glad to turn 40 next year and just get it over with. Heck, why don't I skip straight to 50. Oprah says women are happier in their fifties. That we can finally just let it all go so to speak. Not ourselves, but our need to look and feel 21. But that was back when Oprah had a show rather than in infomercial.

My Mom made me a carrot cake. It was always my favorite. She put a 29 on there with ten candles so I could celebrate the tenth anniversary of my 29th birthday.



Joe Joe had a heck of a time snacking on the frosting remnants. Yes, I said frosting. I know that makes me an awful, horrible Mom but it's okay. I'm already over your opinion of me. That sounds bitter and I don't mean it to. But Diary, you can be awfully judgmental.



My Bitter Half provided me with a card from the babies. He doesn't know that I know that it was him who secretly bought it. Tucked into it was the best possible gift. Pictures of my babies' bottoms and butt cracks. The Bitter One knows I love nothing more than a baby bottoms. I'm still smiling about it. Tucked a few of the photos on the fridge.

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600" caption="Gunther heads are to protect the guilty and the butt crackage."][/caption]

Lily looked really cute in her ducky outfit. I finally had to admit that she looks good in colors other than pink. I guess the hundreds of pink baby items I purchased for her and organized by age, size and hue will have to sit untouched. The baby wants to wear primary colors. And what the baby wants the baby gets.



I just posted what I thought was a witty comment over on the Scoblizer's Blog. Turns out it wasn't witty at all. It was bordering on stupid. And that thing I said I would check out doesn't even pertain to somebody like me. If only I could edit other people's blogs. Do you think he'll put me on his ban list? Oh, let it go woman! Do you think Scoble sits over there agonizing and feeling silly and worrying about offending me and looking stupid in his posts at my blog? Surely not. And not just because he doesn't comment here. That's a whole other issue. Get off my case, Diary. I know I need to snap out of it.

I wonder if anyone clicked on any of my referral links? Nope, not yet. That's okay. If it's meant to be it will be.

I think I'll have a piece of cake while the gettin' is still good.

TTFN,

Heather

Ways for Stay at Home Moms to irritate their husbands upon their arrival home

Photo Cred: CC (that is not Dennis)

I was reading and appreciating a really good post on brip blap today called How to be a good partner to a stay at home spouse, and it got me to thinking. Not only was I thinking about what a great blog brip blap is, and wondering to myself what the heck brip blap means, I was wondering how I, as a stay at home Mom, might be a better partner to My Bitter Half, who works outside the home. Now I'm also wondering if it's possible to be arrested for excessive comma use.

Anyway, I really don't know how to be kind of wife who inspires her husband to leap over halted traffic in a single bound to fly home for the privilege of flinging himself into my arms because he can't stand even one more second apart from me. Let me share some tips on something nearer and dearer to my heart. How to irritate your husband. I'm not saying I do all of these things, have done them in the past, or plan to do them in the future, but I've been around long enough how to know what would irritate him. And if it would irritate him, it would probably irritate your husband as well.

1. Cry. As soon as your husband walks in the door, be sure to let him find you in tears. Even better, be sure to let him know that he is the cause of those tears. Best yet, let him know that there's nothing he can do about them.


2. Be sitting on the couch laughing with a male friend. The sight of you sitting at home laughing with a male friend, who in your husband's eyes is sure to be seen as a slacker for not being on the job, is sure to clench his teeth. Doesn't matter if the man is five hundred pounds and toothless. He's been spending the day making headway at the purposeful seduction of his wife.


3. Ask him to take out the trash. NOW. Men love it when you bark orders at them, and then refuse to allow them the opportunity to do them at their own discretion.


4. Refuse him a snack, even though dinner won't be ready for an hour. This is just cruel. You've been feeding your cat pieces of chicken and cheese all day long. If you wouldn't do it to your cat, don't do it to your husband. Always a good rule of thumb.


5. Complain when he turns on the game. Unless you're right in the middle of a program, or your husband routinely treats you like a stinky jock strap when his game is on, hold your tongue. It's just something he has to do. How can he explain why to you when he doesn't even know himself?


6. Knock on the bathroom door and say "Are you still in there?". This is the first moment of peace he's had in ten hours. Don't you dare ruin it. Exception: All three of your triplets just took a runny dump at exactly the same moment.


7. Ask him if any of his co-workers are prettier than you. Unless your husband works at the DMV, the odds are not in your favor. It's best not to even think about it.


8. Casually suggest that he might be more comfortable without his shoes. He wants them on. I don't get it either, but it's true. The house could burn down at any moment. How's he going to save you and the kids without shoes?


9. Ask him to run out to the store. He just arrived home. The last thing he wants to do is face the hard, cold world again so soon.


10. Deny him even the possibility of a nap. If there's no possibility of a nap that evening, what's the point of it all?

Afford your husband the opportunity to do the right thing with regards to the toilet paper

<- Please take notice of a familiar recurring scene at our home.

I've been alerted to the presence of a new roll of toilet paper.

If my husband had done the right thing, honored his wedding vows, and put the new tp on the roll, I may never have known that we ran out.

Why is this a big deal you might ask? Because as a woman, every piece of the untidy puzzle latches onto my sense of serenity and drags it down. I could go on about my day with that new roll of tp on the counter, but the unrightliness of it all would stick with me. I might snap at one of the dogs and not know "where that came from". How would I ever know that it came from the toilet paper? I couldn't! Who could??

I've decided to step outside of myself for a while, risk snapping at the dog, and leave the roll right where it is. I'm going to give My Better Half the opportunity to set things right. I will, of course, keep you updated as you are on a need to know basis. Keep your fingers crossed.

Our Afternoon

Ah, yes. My husband just emerged from working out in the garage singing "I'm a steel cowboy...". For those of you not acquainted with Bon Jovi who, for me, is sort of like white bread, those lyrics are a bastardization of his song 'Wanted Dead or Alive'. "I don't know how that man has a career", he continues with a snarled lip and stiff back.

I hightail it into the office as we've been in the Bon Jovi zone many times before and I knew this tirade wasn't about to end any time soon. I am not alone. I am fervently clutching in my right hand a torn piece of a Diet Coke box containing a code worth 10 My Coke Rewards points. My eyes are bulging. My tongue is flicking like a snake. I've been waiting for the Heather equivalent of a year, a week, for the final 9 points required to net me a subscription to Country Home—my latest obsession.



Along with other fans of the time-worn paint trick, I too will be living it up in "unfussy elegance" in 4-6 weeks. I'm giddy with anticipation. I'm smiling like The Grinch before the Yahooo Doooreeesss scene. I want it so bad I can taste it.

Be aware of deceptive practices within the credit card community and of the Soldiers and Sailors Civil Relief Act

God bless our soldiers and keep them safe.

If your spouse is on active military duty, you need to know about The Soldiers and Sailors Civil Relief Act. Apparently employees of credit card companies are not allowed to disclose this information to you. Further proof that credit card companies are instruments of Satan.

I uncovered this information while reading an article forwarded to me called Credit Card Insiders Tell of Deceptive Practices. This is no surprise to me, but it's good to finally see it in writing. When a former MBNA employee speaks of being reprimanded for not pushing product aggressively enough to a near-deaf 90 year old man I want to first throw up, and then I want to reach through the screen and throttle the person in the suit who came up with this corporate strategy.

We should be protecting the families of our soldiers, and the elderly. Not looking for ways to make a cheap buck at their expense.

Here's an excerpt from SSRCA Simplified. If your spouse is on active duty, I implore you to read it.

Termination of Pre-Service Lease Agreements

A service member who is leasing/renting property used for dwelling, professional, business, agricultural or similar purposes may terminate a lease that was 1) signed before the service member entered active duty and 2) the lease/rented premises have been occupied for the above purposes by the service member or his/her dependents.

The service member must deliver written notice of termination to the landlord after entry on active duty or receipt of orders for active duty. The termination date for a month-to-month lease/rental is 30 days after the first date on which the next rental payment is due after the termination notice is delivered. For example, if rent is due on the 1st of the month and notice is delivered to the landlord on August 5th, the next rent due is September 1st. Therefore, the lease/rental agreement will terminate on October 1st.

For all other lease/rental agreements, the termination date will be the last day of the month after the month in which the notice was given. For example, if the term of the lease/rental agreement is yearly and notice was given August 5th, then the termination date will be September 30th.

If the rent has been paid in advance, then the landlord must return any unearned portion. The landlord may not withhold the refund of a service member’s security deposit for early termination of the lease/rental agreement. However, the landlord may withhold return of the security deposit for damages, repairs, and other lawful provisions of the lease/rental agreement.

It's important to understand that, under the SSCRA, a lease can only be terminated if entered into before one goes onto active duty. The SSCRA has no provisions for terminating leases entered into after entry on active duty. Several (not all) states have laws which allow military members to break their leases in the event they must move due to military orders. In those states which do not have such laws, it is important that the active duty member ensure his/her lease contains a "military clause," which allows the member to terminate the lease in the event he/she must move due to military orders. Most bases require servicemembers to have leases approved by the local military housing office. One of the reasons for this is to ensure that the lease contains a "military clause."

Evictions from leased housing

A service member may seek protection from eviction under SSCRA. The rented/leased property must be occupied by the service member or his/her dependents for the purpose of housing, and the rent can not exceed $1,200. The service member or dependent who has received notice of an eviction must submit a request to the court for protection under the SSCRA. If the court finds that the service member’s military duties have materially affected his ability to pay his rent timely, the judge may order a stay, postponement, of the eviction proceeding for up to 3 months or make any other “just” order.

6% Interest Rate

If a service member’s military obligation has affected his/her ability to pay on financial obligations such as credit cards, loans, mortgages, etc., the service member can have his/her interest rate capped at 6% for the duration of the service member’s military obligation.

Qualifying debts are debts that were incurred prior to the service member coming on active duty. The service member must be on active duty at the time of the request, and the service member’s military career must have materially affected the service member’s ability to pay on the debt. This provision does not apply to federally guaranteed student loans.

The service member should contact his/her creditor (in writing) and request that his/her interest rate be reduced to 6% according to the provisions of the SSCRA. While not actually required by the law, it's a good idea to include a copy of the military orders placing the member on active duty, as part of the request. The burden is on the creditor to seek relief in court if the creditor believes that the service member’s military career does not materially affect his/her ability to pay.

Court Proceedings

A service member who is either the plaintiff or the defendant in a civil lawsuit may request a stay, postponement, of a court proceeding in which he/she is a party. A service member may request a stay at any point in the proceedings. However, courts are reluctant to grant stays at the pretrial phase of a lawsuit, such as discovery, depositions, etc. If a judgment is entered against a service member who is unavailable due to military orders, the service member may be able to have that judgment voided.

In order to apply for these protections the service member must actually be a party to the suit.

The provision only applies to civil lawsuits, suits for paternity, child custody suits, and bankruptcy debtor/creditor meetings.

The provision does not apply to:

• administrative hearings


• criminal proceedings


• child support determination (administrative proceedings)


• proceedings in which the service member is merely a material witness to the lawsuit, but not an actual party or


• service member has leave available and has made no attempt to use his/her leave to attend the proceedings

A service member should have his/her commander write a letter to the court and the opposing party’s attorney stating that the service member is unable to attend the proceedings. The member should not have an attorney draft such a letter to the court. A letter by an attorney could be considered an appearance by the service member and could subject the service member to the jurisdiction of the court.

Installment Contracts and Auto Leases

A service member or spouse may request protection under the SSCRA for pre-service debts incurred under installment contracts and auto leases. The service member or the spouse must prove that the service member’s military obligations have materially affected his/her ability to pay on the debts. Also, at least one deposit or installment payment must have been made on the contract before entry on active duty. If the contract falls under the protection of the SSCRA, the creditor is thereafter prohibited from exercising any right or option under the contract, such as to rescind or terminate the contract or to repossess the property, unless authorized by a court order.

Enforcement of Obligations, Liabilities, Taxes

A service member or dependent may, at any time during his/her military service, or within 6 months thereafter, apply to a court for relief of any obligation or liability incurred by the service member or dependent prior to active duty or in respect to any tax or assessment whether falling during or prior to the service member’s active military service. The court may grant stays of enforcement during which time no fine or penalty can accrue.

Reemployment Rights

Contrary to what many people believe, there are no provisions for Reemployment Rights as part of the Soldiers and Sailors Civil Relief Act. Reemployment rights are a completely separate legislation, the The Uniformed Services Employment and Reemployment Rights Act of 1994 (USERRA).

Much of the Above Information Provided by the Department of Defense and the United States Coast Guard.

Watch out for medical balance billing

After my little girl Lily was born this June, I was not only introduced to an Earth Angel,


I was introduced to "balance billing". This can happen when you go to a hospital and the physicians, anesthesiologists, and whatnot who work at the hospital have a different contract with your HMO or Insurance Company than your primary doctor.

Here's what I'm legally responsible to pay the anesthesiologist. This is directly from my insurance company's website. To their credit, as you can see, they informed me about balance billing. (As a side note, ALWAYS check out your insurance company's website. Go over your claims. Be sure you are being charged what you should be charged, and look out for in vs out of network charges. They often come up wrong, and you can correct the situation with a simple phone call.)



Yes, I realize I'm not that good with a graphic pen, but I do what I can. Aaaanyway, here's a copy of the bill from the anesthesiologist (God bless him for doing his job correctly, I was able to stay awake for my daughter's birth).



As you can see, his biller is trying to stick me with the balance of what he charged, vs. what my insurance company is willing to pay. This is called balance billing. Here in California at least, he's not allowed to do that. He's supposed to haggle directly with the insurance company.

So check your medical bills, especially after a hospital stay and/or giving birth, to make sure you aren't a victim of balance billing!

Vote your conscience, not somebody else's

Vote—As long as you do it MY way!

I used to live with a guy (back when I was young and stupid) who used to go over all of the issues with me and tell me how to vote. He wanted me to vote on the issues that were important to him and he wanted to be sure I would vote his way. He told me that any vote I cast in opposition to any of his votes was essentially invalidating his vote and that if I loved him I wouldn't do that.

I'm really touchy about people telling anyone else to vote for things that matter to them instead of encouraging people to vote their own heart and their own conscience.

Everyone needs help in some way. Some more than others. Some have more immediate needs than others. I don't blame you for campaigning to try to get others to vote your way on the issues that directly impact your life and/or the lives of the people you love so very much. In fact, I respect you for it.

I just wish people would end it there. Present their situations and ask for help to vote for this or for that, and then stand back and let the chips fall where they may. There's a fine line between campaigning and bullying. And we all need to remember that other people have needs too, and even though their needs or the needs of their loved ones aren't as important to us as our own needs or the needs of our loved ones, we need to respect our fellow voters as individuals and respect the sanctity of individual choice and decision.

Take note of the Hive Five Winners

I love lists! Over at Lifehacker they've been compiling a "best tool for the job" list for us all.

Best of the Best: The Hive Five Winners

Here's where I stack up. How about you?

Best Digital Photo Organizer: Picasa (Windows/Linux)

Use it and love love love it! You can edit your photos within the application, then re-size and export them to other folders with ease. Tool of note: Use "glow" to erase those tiny lines. ;-)

Best Instant Messenger: Pidgin (Windows/Linux)

I don't use IM anymore. I hate it when I'm doing my thing and somebody wants to tell me all about their day. You have to really like people for that kind of thing to work for you. {shudder]

Best GTD Application: Pen and Paper

Couldn't agree more.

Best DVD Ripping Tool: DVD Shrink (Windows)

I don't rip DVD's. Isn't that illegal?

Best Contact Management Application: Address Book (Mac OS X)

I have a PC so I can't speak to this.

Best Text Editor: Notepad++ (Windows)

Yup. If it ain't broke don't fix it.

Best Online File Sharing Service: MediaFire

I don't share files. I'm too freaked out about viruses to do that kind of thing anymore.

Best RSS Newsreader: Google Reader

Melikey!

Best Application Launcher: Launchy (Windows)

What the? Application Launcher? Don't they launch when you click on them?

Best Start Page: iGoogle

I agree. Now if I could just settle on one of my two thousand gmail accounts and stick with it. I don't like to log in to a home page on a daily basis.

Best Antivirus Application: AVG Anti-Virus

Oh GREAT. My Mom's been telling me this. Now I feel compelled to let her know about this. That will only encourage her to do more forward thinking in the future. And that can't lead to any good.

Best Photo Sharing Site: Flickr

I agree. I love Flickr. I just canceled my pro account because I'm a cheapskate. I use Picasa now. Flickr's highly social though, and great for pro photographers or for those who want to learn about photography.

Best Personal Finance Tool: Mint

Huh?? How come I've never heard about this? Is that why I'm so broke?

Best Desktop Media Player: VLC (All Platforms)

Never heard if it. Gawd, I'm sooooooo oooooooooold.

Best Windows Maintenance Tool: CCleaner

Going to check it out!

Best Windows Backup Tool: Carbonite

Huh?

Best File Syncing Tool: Dropbox (All Platforms)

Huh?

Best Alternative File Manager: Total Commander

Huh?

Best Note-Taking Tool: Pen and Paper

Couldn't agree more. I always come back to this.

Best To-Do List Manager: Pen and Paper

I like pen and paper for shopping lists, but I love to use Outlook for to do lists. The calendar is great, and I love the reminders. I'd be lost without it.

Best Desktop Search Application: Windows Search 4

:|

Best FTP Client: Filezilla

Yay! Use it and love it! Thanks to my Stepson Brian.

Best Password Manager: KeePass

I prefer PassGass.

Best Download Manager: DownThemAll

I thought you didn't need one of these if you use cable. Shows me what I know. Hmpf.

Best Calendar Application: Google Calendar

I'm sure it's good, but I prefer Outlook.

Best BitTorrent Application: uTorrent

What in heaven's name is a Bit Torrent??

Let your love of music bring us together

I read Newsweek on the toilet. As a parent of a three month old and a 21 month old it's darn near the only chance I get to read these days. Hey—I'll take it!

The article that resonated with me the most out of the 9/12/08 issue was "Sing, Brain, Sing" by Daniel Levitin. Nearly every sentence in the article is fascinating, but a couple of points really struck me.

One of them is a reference to how the music appreciation gene might have been passed on:

So the story is that those of our ancestors who synchronized automatically, who moved in response to sound, were perhaps more successful at their cooperative undertakings and were able to pass on the trait.

This of course is a speculation of how the love of music was propagated within the species. But I couldn't help but think of all the times I've shared music with family, friends and strangers, and how it promoted an unspoken bond between us. Music really does bring us together. It can allow us to resonate at the same frequency. It gets us into the same zone.

This got me thinking. I might be able to use music as a tool. They* say to dress for the job you want, not the job you have. Perhaps the same is true with music. If I make a point of listening to the same music as the people I admire, will I become more like them? I'm going to scan interviews for mentions of music and give it a try. What do I have to lose?

Another point that struck me is:

Music is not a news report intended to represent objective facts. What it is better able to do than language is represent emotional states.

Do emotional states bring us together and allow us to work cooperatively more than any other factor? Next time I have some friends over to help paint the house I'll put on "I Can't Drive 55" and see what happens. If that just irritates my "small haired" friends, I'll give Bonnie Raitt a try. I'm guessing that the blues aren't as conducive to the job at hand, but it's possible I will be proven wrong.

*You know—THEM

Know the tax consequences of a 401k to Roth IRA Conversion

Wow. I've been waiting for a certain financial stock to come back up from the bottom of the barrel in order to do my 401k to Roth IRA Conversion. My thinking was that since Roth contributions are post-tax dollars, and you can withdraw them without penalty after five years, that it would behoove me to wait until I could maximize the amount of my holdings at the time of the conversion.

So the stock's up today and I'm on the phone with my 401k people. I want to be sure they take taxes out at the time of the conversion since I got rheemed on this once before (when converting from 401k -> IRA -> Roth). They tell me this isn't possible, that the only way to get any money to the Federal Government is to say, convert 80% of the assets and sell 20% and take that out in the form of a distribution to yourself. However, I was told that I would have to pay the 10% early withdrawal penalty for the privilege of handing that money over to Uncle Sam. I huffed. I puffed. I tried to be nice on the surface, though, when I asked to speak to a supervisor. I gave him the old "I used to work in the industry and I did this kind of stuff all the time and I know what I'm talking about and you're full of it" routine. But in a nice way, of course. I ended up thanking him for his time and putting off the conversion for another day to allow me to do some research.

Holy shat! They were right! According to the Kiplinger Article The IRA Shuffle: From 401(k) to Roth IRA from February of 2008: (emphasis mine)

But don't try this strategy unless you can afford to pay the tax bill with funds outside your 401(k). Tapping your retirement account to pay taxes would mean owing an early-withdrawal penalty if you withdrew the money before age 55.

Who has money just lying around to account for the sudden influx of ordinary income that would result from this type of conversion? Not me! I'm not sure - but I think I might be up a creek without a paddle. :|
Oh well, if the stock dips down again at least I'll be able to take comfort in the fact that I'll be taxed on much less money if and when I ever decide to proceed. Take heed!

Realize that politickin' is a dirty business

Now it's become apparent that Sarah Palin's personal email account, the one that has recently come under scrutiny as having been used for official purposes, has been hacked. The contents of her inbox are presently being splashed all over the internet. Including here, apparently. I hate to be a party to this type of trash, but I felt compelled to comment.

Politics are a nasty, dirty, vile business. Everyone involved with politics at the higher level had to sell their soul at one point or another to achieve their present status. They're all dirty. Yes, all of them.

We can't even trust in the standard political dirty dealings anymore. You know, Democrats vs. Republicans. This could have been leaked by either side. Either to expose her, or to garner sympathy. I wonder if they really are learning from Paris Hilton. The only bad publicity is no publicity. Oh, the whole thing makes my skin crawl.

Can't we all just agree to campaign finance reform and all just pay a buck and divvy it up amongst the candidates of all of the major parties. Once it's used up it's gone. No big companies buying candidates. No more fundraisers. Perhaps if we did this we could get some good people in there rather than A+ schmoozers and sycophants.

Link to Sarah Palin Emails