I want to be a counter-culture revolutionary

I want to raise my fist in the air and shout "Listen, Mr. Government, we've had enough of this buuul*s&i@!" I trusted you like a Daddy. I trusted you to look after my best interests and the best interests of those who I love so dearly and passionately. But Mr. Government, you went out for milk quite some time ago and I haven't seen or heard from you since. Mom started dating some nasty man with a Texas accent and all he does is sit around drinking and throwing his spent beer cans and pork rind bags at his feet for us to clean up."

I want to be a counter-culture revolutionary! I like the idea of it. I like the clothing. I like the attitude and the verve and the drive associated with it. I want to sneak down a back alley to attend a meeting led by a really cool guy with a foot-high afro who always has one eye on the door. I want to be deemed worthy of an FBI file. It would be nice if a black helicopter were to hover me when I take my kids out in the stroller.

If only I could shake my disease. I am almost always able to see both sides of an issue. I used to be easily swayed, but as of late I take a little more time and think twice before jumping on the latest fashion or bandwagon. I'm pretty darn tolerant, and I have learned not to underestimate the power of positive vs. negative thoughts and reinforcement. Sometimes (very rarely) I'm even logical rather than emotional.

Is it possible to be a counter-culture revolutionary and be an individual at the same time? What happens if I'm hanging out with all my revolutionary buddies and they start bashing a person or tradition? Will they still stand beside me if and when I disagree or ask them to consider this point or that? Will I be thought a traitor to the cause, upended and deposited into a smelly dumpster? Is it possible to be a middle-aged revolutionary, or is single-minded determination a luxury only afforded the young or the childless?

Our day at the pumpkin patch/apple farm

I don't know if any group of people looks forward to Fall the way desert folks do. We're perfectly willing to drive an hour or more for the privilege of resting our eyes upon a tree, a real tree. And if a leaf should happen to fall off that tree and gracefully float in our general direction it's enough to set our season-starved souls aglow. That's one of the reasons the pumpkin patch/apple farms of Oak Glen, California are such a draw. All the pumpkins and apples are just a bonus.

My husband and I (The Bitter Half) packed up Joe Joe and Lily and headed up there with the best of intentions. We had a ball. But next time we'll know that there is in fact a parking area on top of the mountain and this will make all the difference. Sigh. That and we need to get there first thing in the morning if we want to net ourselves some Arkansas Blacks.

Oh, and I have to tell you that I picked up a prairie hat for Lily. I saw a little girl wearing one and just had to have it for her. I had Joe Joe model it for a photo, much to The Bitter Half's chagrin.

Here are a few photos to share. Wishing you a beautiful and peaceful Sunday.












All photos in this post © Pickles and Poo 2008. All Rights Reserved.

Why not try some washable fingerpaints?

A couple of weeks ago I printed out a recipe for washable fingerpaints from one of my favorite family lifestyle blogs, Flipflops & Applesauce.

2 Tablespoons sugar
1/3 cup cornstarch
2 cups water
1/4 cup dishwashing soap
food coloring
Put the sugar and cornstarch in a saucepan and then slowly mix in cold water. Cook the mixture over low heat for 5-10 minutes, stirring constantly until you have a smooth gel. Let this cool and then add dishwashing soap. Divide into as many containers as you would like colors and then mix in food coloring drops until you have you desired color.

Yesterday I was able to summon the wherewithall to actually attempt the project. I located a smock for Joe Joe that I had purchased before he was born, slapped it on him, and went to town.

I mixed up the sugar water and corn starch and set it on the stove to low heat. I stirred. And I stirred. Then I stirred some more. Then I got bored and went in to check on email. Five minutes later I returned to see that the mixture had gotten all gloppy and bubbly! I stirred again like a madwoman and got the consistency evened out. It looked sort of like Vaseline.



Since this was my first attempt at making washable fingerpaints, and well, I haven't tried anything crafty in ages, I decided to keep it simple and stick with two colors—red and green. I halved the batch into two Glad sandwich size plastic containers and brought it out to Joe Joe who had been patiently waiting for me. Then I realized I forgot to put the soap in, so I took everything back into the kitchen and put it back into the sauce pan and added the soap. Stir stir stir, back into the plastic containers and back out to Joe Joe who was giving me that big blue-eyed deer in the headlights look.

I took out the green dye. I dripped it into one of the containers. Joe went "Wow!". Suddenly he was engaged and enthralled. He of course wanted to try dripping and stirring so, like a fool, I let him.



He ended up with green dye all over his fingers, his face, his hair, and got it on his chair. All in the span of about ten seconds. After doing the same with the red dye, I gently ripped the food coloring out of his tiny little chubby hand and took it inside and out of harm's way. This set Joe to bawling. Next time I'll perform the dye procedure before presenting the paints to him. Live and learn. Who knew a toddler would be most attracted to the messiest aspect of the project?



I'll bet this type of thing never happens to the lady over at Flipflops and Applesauce!!!

Poor little Joe, I came back out, having remembered to grab some printer paper, and put it in front of him. I dabbed some green paint with my finger and put it on the paper in the shape of a glump of goo. Joe stopped crying. Whew. He played for a little bit, and ended up trying to eat both colors. He was not happy with the taste, but he just couldn't help his little toddler self.



He got bored after about ten minutes so we went to the side yard and I sprayed him and his clothing with a hose. THAT he loved. Until I turned the water off, which set him to bawling again. Fiddly-dee!

I will give this another try in a week or so! Perhaps in the bathtub?

Lord help me I went down the Face Hole

I read a quote the other day and was inspired.

"Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain."
-- Mark Twain

As some of you may know, the thing I fear most outside of venomous spiders, shark attack, and department store mirrors is Facebook. So when I read Kate's post the other day about joining I tensed up and read on with awe. I admired her courage. I admired it so much I was inspired to join up myself.

And now I sit here filled with dread. The thing I fear the most about Facebook is not the axe murderers or even the advertisers. It is the *gulp* former classmates. I wasn't a card-carrying nerd in high school, mind you. I hobnobbed with representatives of most of the major social groups and strata. I was kind of shy and often hung back behind a more outgoing and charismatic friend. But I didn't get my head shoved in any toilets. And this is a good thing because I wore so much Aqua Net back then that my head would probably have stuck to the bottom of the bowl and I would have drowned.

I'm going to deconstruct my fear and lay it out for you (and myself) right here and now.

• One word: FAT. I was doing okay in the looks department until I got pregnant with Joe Joe two and a half years ago. I never have been nor will I ever be a Baywatch Babe. But I was working out. I had a hep layered and blondified hairdo. I could actually see my crotch in the shower. But here I sit two and a half years later with a jiggly chin and flabby arms. My butt looks like a sack of potatoes. I've got a Mother's apron flapping around below my navel. And my pregnancy-induced hypothyroidism is doing everything it can to keep me this way. That, and the red vines I can't stop stuffing in my face. Now we all know how people love nothing better than to see their former female classmates get fat. It's the basis by which some judge their status and worth as individuals. Forget the fact that many of us have beautiful healthy children and other various accomplishments under our belts. All that will matter when somebody first stumbles upon our Facebook page will be the way we look. And as much as I keep telling myself that it doesn't matter (and it truly doesn't), I hate the idea of some harpy sitting across the country viewing my photo and thus feeling smug and superior.


• Two words: ENERGY VAMPIRES. A few people I used to associate with are what I consider to be energy vampires. You know the type. They glom onto you and suck you dry. They are emotionally needy. They are dramatic. They are always going through a life crisis sponsored by yours truly. "This emotional breakdown was made possible though the energy contributions of Heather." They need need need and take take take, leaving you with precious little energy for your own family and personal endeavors. And it is understood that the debt is always to be forgiven—the favor never to be reciprocated. Please stay far, FAR away from me and my family. Words to the unwise: The Energy Bank of Heather is now closed.


• Oops, two more words: OLD BOYFRIENDS. I do not want to reconnect with you in any way, shape or form. I wish most of you well, but want the past to remain steadfastly the past. There's nothing to see here.


• One last word: WOMEN. I used to be a part of small groups of girls when I was very much younger. I was inexplicably pushed aside and rejected by some of said groups and thus the basis of my long-standing fear of and separation from other women was formed. I'm only now learning to get over that, and beginning to open myself up to other women and feel truly comfortable around them. All this talk of former classmates is bringing all that up again.

*Breathes out* There, I said it. Now let's do this thing and see where it takes us. And if it's not in a positive direction I'll be shutting down my page faster than you can say fraidy cat.

Joe Joe the Cookie Monster

It was recently pointed out to me by an observant third-party that Joseph resembles the cookie monster on his sippy cup!

And yes I realize he should be wearing a bib. Sometimes I like to live dangerously.

My inexcusably late Blog Action Day post

It's not that I don't care about people per se. I'm just not much of a joiner. I"m also not good at being a people person. Yes I know what I said on my job application and I lied. I believe that mankind is basically good. I know that good will triumph over evil. I know that light flushes out the dark.

But, well, people are unpredictible. They can lash out or disappoint you at the most inconvenient of times. And so, with all things involving peoplehood, I usually hang back in the nest with the other baby birds and watch them venture out one at a time. Usually they fall to the ground, but every now and then one of those little suckers flies up towards the Heavens and makes my heart sing.

That said, one way to help eliminate poverty is to invest in women. According to this article,

When a woman prospers, a family prospers. When families prosper, communities prosper.

The article also mentions a petition we can sign at standagainstpoverty.org, but I could not locate it.

I also want to make everybody aware of a charity that is near and dear to my heart. Dress for Success collects professional clothing and distributes it to low-income women. The idea is that if you can't afford an interview suit, odds are you won't be able to get a decent-paying office job to allow you to be able to afford said interview suit. Sometimes just having the right clothing to interview for a better job can make all the difference in the world. So please either get fat or get skinny and donate your new or gently used business frocks to Dress for Success. You can also make a cash donation here.

One of the mottos that has stuck with me through the years is "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.". This applies to all things, both literally and figuatively. If you give, you will be giving. If you help, you will be helpful. If you love, you will be love. All it takes is one step in the right direction. Let's help each other take that first step.

Consider keeping a baby book for your second child

It's really starting to get to me. It's keeping me up at night. I tell myself I'm not a bad Mom because of it. But yet I do nothing.

*Gulp* I haven't yet purchased a baby book for my daughter Lily Rose.

There, I said it.

It's not that I love her any less than her big brother Joseph Hunter. She's my little girl. I love her so much it's gut-wrenching at times. This little person who always has a smile for me. Who looks after me with fierce concentration and panics when I edge out of her sight.

My fears about her were unfounded. When I was pregnant with her I agonized about whether or not I would be able to love her. I was afraid that to love her would mean to take love from Joseph. The night before she was born I cried and said to God "I changed my mind! I only want Joseph! He is enough for me!". I was afraid of this new baby severing the tether that bound me to my son. People assured me that I had love enough in my heart for two. Love is boundless, they proclaimed. My Mother told me that love does not divide, but multiplies. I took comfort in that, but remained skeptical.

Until I felt them pop her out of me and heard her very first cry. I lost it. I bawled tears of pure joy and thought to myself how like a cat she sounds. I've always loved cats. They brought her over to me so I could kiss her sweet squalling little face. I'd never been more happy in my life, having been under general anesthesia for the birth of my son.

Later in the recovery room I got to hold her for the very first time. She was crying. I was determined to claim her as my own. I had told myself ahead of time to fight off the feelings I had with her brother, that this beautiful child can't possibly be mine, that I don't deserve him and have nothing to offer him. I reached out and pulled her to me. You are a part of me I telepathed. I enveloped her in my warmth and smiled against her through my tears on her cheek. My God, she stopped crying. She actually seemed soothed. She was still looking right at me and her eyes were as black as an eclipse. They pierced right through me, and continued to do so during the night as I fed her. Soon enough, those eyes became my constant companion. I continued to marvel at their ability to shine their light on me in the blackest of night. The attentive steel-eyed gaze of my daughter has become one of the biggest unexpected joys of my life.

That said, you'd think I could muster up the energy and wherewithall to get her a baby book. You'd think. I keep telling myself that it was easier with her brother because I didn't have my hands full with two so very young. That I am so enjoying spending the time with her and living in the moment instead of succombing to the constant self-induced pressure to catalog every precious nuance and moment. That my lack of notation is helping us to form a stronger bond. But I know that isn't going to fly the day Joe finds his baby book and Lily Rose turns those magical eyes in my direction and says "Where is my baby book?".

I can't take it anymore. I am going to buy one today. I love you, Lily Rose.

Holy cow, I really do have to manage my own life!

I recently awoke from sleeping off a long and cushy trust bender to find myself wondering where I've been for the past decade or two.

You can not and should not trust other people, even the professionals—doctors, creditors, insurance companies, etc.—to have your best interests at heart and/or to make the best decisions on your behalf. They are not smarter than you nor are they more organized. They do not know you, your spouse, or your children better than you do. They do not have your instincts. You can't assume that they have your complete lack of guile.

I understand that professionals are in business to make money and that, unless they actually are charitable organizations, they are not charitable organizations. I'm a good little capitalist. I even try to make a buck or two myself.

What I do not understand nor can I accept is the growing trend towards sloughing off customer service and professionalism. Professionals don't even put on a good show anymore. I recently considered fashioning an invoice and sending out bills to various places charging them for my time. If I'm going to do their job for them, I might as well get paid. Or at least I can make a point.

Here are some recent examples of me having to actually manage my own life.

• Credit card companies keep shuffling my due dates around, hitting me up with late fees, and raising my interest rates and therefore my minimum payments. I suspect they do this since so many of us have credit card payments on BillPay with our banks. This of course we did because they used to send our invoices late and skip sending them altogether every four months like clockwork. My Merrill Lynch card did this to me a month ago. When I called, they were incredibly wonderful and fixed it for me, but when I requested a lower interest rate, and they found out I'm now a Stay at Home Mom, they refused my request for a lower rate and lowered my credit limit. No matter that my husband has a full-time job and I have never had a late or missed payment (that wasn't due to them shuffling due dates around). I understand where they are coming from, but it did feel like a slap in the face. PayPal just did it to me as well. Please be aware that they just went from a 25 day to a 20 day billing cycle, and that your payment due date has been moved up a few days. If your payment is late due to this, they will hit you with a $39.00 late fee, and raise your rate and your minumum payment. But if you call them right away they will fix it for you.

• Care(ha!)Credit is a creditor that many of us use for dental or veterinary expenses. The idea is that you do not have to pay any interest on your charge for a specified period of time. However, if you do not pay off a charge by a certain date, you will be hit up with the deferred interest. Sort of like how the furniture stores do it. What I did not know is that CareCredit does not automatically apply your payments to the charge set to expire the soonest, as one might expect and as logic would dictate. They apply part of your payment towards the soonest expiring charge, part of your payment to any accumulated interest charges, and part of your payment to each outstanding charge. You can, of course, call their Customer Service number 877-295-2080 and tell them how to allocate your payments. (They apparently outsource their Customer Service to India though, and you may have a hard time communicating with them if you're not good at deciphering thick accents, which I am not.) But you shouldn't have to. Why would anybody in their right mind want part of their payment to go towards the charge expiring last? What kind of sense does that make? None. But it makes sense to CareCredit because it allows them to shaft you, and I'm taking this from their Payments disclaimer in itsy bitsy print on the back of my invoice:

We reserve the right to select the method by which payments and credits are allocated to your Account in our sole discretion. The payment allocation method that we use may result in higher Finance Charges on your Account, depending on the types of transactions you make (such as promotinal or non-promotional purchases), and the timing and amount of your payments. For example, on promotions requiring minimum payments, payments over the minimum will usually be applied to those promo balances before non-promo and other balances. If you have a no-promo balance, this may reduce the benefit from the promo. If you want to change this allocation, please call Customer service.

• I have been hypothyroid since I got pregnant with Joe Joe. My new doctor simply looked at the results of my newest blood test and had his receptionist call to tell me that I am fine and within normal limits. When I pressed for details, I found out that my TSH level had shot up from .2 to over 5. Although I was under the threshhold they were using that listed 5.5 as the upper limit, I was way over where I need to be to feel human. I need to be well under 2. I've called twice and still can't get a doctor on the phone to fax a prescription over to a pharmacy for a higher dose of Levothyroxine. I started taking some I had lying around from a previous adjustment even though I need a new dose somewhere in the middle. I should not have to do this. And this is but one example of what I've experienced. Manage your own care! Get copies of all blood tests!

• Our family Wageworks FSA account (medical savings with pretax dollars) has been frozen for months now. Every time we fax them a receipt, a new charge pops up. And these aren't charges to a drug store, where I might be using the funds to buy diapers. These are charges to Labcorp. What might I be purchasing from them that is non-medically related? Anyway, I finally got everything cleared up after priting out froms from my insurance website, scanning and faxing them over. But one charge needed to be canceled and rebilled as it was actually from a previous year. Well enough. I called the doctor's assistant and made my request. She assured me she would take care of it "today". I had to call her FIVE more times with the same request. I am not kidding. Every time she had a "family emergency" and was doing it "today". I finally got through to her yesterday when I asked her to email a confirmation of my request to me at heather[at]howtobeawoman.net. I never did receive that email, but I glanced at my accounts this morning and I see that she did rebill the charge. Should I have had to do all this follow-up? Of course not. I don't expect any more from people that I would be willing to do myself. I was in client service for 15 years. If you promise somebody you're going to do something you damn well better do it. If you are busy, then tell them you will get it done by a date in the future. It's better to surprise somebody by getting it done early than to disappoint them by getting it done late or not at all. And you (this is crazy I know) follow up with people! If you can't get to something, you call to explain why. You keep in touch. You anticipate their needs and respond accordingly. You call them before they even think to call you. You service the customer.

• We applied for a FHA loan a month ago. The mortgage guy did not return a call right off the bat. Right then and there I should have switched to another mortgage broker. But I did not. We're reasonable people. We gave this guy chance after chance. He would do a bit of work. Then when we had a question he was always either taking "a rare day off", or "ordering month end supplies" or having (and this is quite common it seems) "family emergencies". Now we've wasted a month of our time and had our credit inquired upon by this fool and we still have to start from square one. Listen to your instincts!

This is just the tip of the iceberg. I spend hours each day following up with people who should be following up with me and correcting others' mistakes and their outright and blatant attempts to cheat us. I shudder to think of how many charges we accumulated when I was in my fog of trust and was not looking out for us. But I'm glad I snapped out of it in time to assure that I will watchdog things in the future. Joe Joe will be going to preschool soon, and you can bet your bottom dollar that I will be reading the fine print on every document I sign on his and the rest of my family's behalf.

Times have changed. It's time to jump on that bull, smack it in the behind, take it by the horns and ride it like our family's happiness and security depends upon it. Because it does.

Google Alerts and Yotify - So that's how they do it!

A-ha! I've been wondering how certain commentators seem to find my posts that are relevant to their blogs and/or businesses with lightening speed. This of course has enabled them to leave comments in relevant posts here with links back to their own sites. Google Alerts! I'm on top of things. It seems as though this service has been available for years now. Mox nix. Better late than never.

Anyway, I can see how this will be a great tool for finding other bloggers with our interests, tracking news stories, etc. I'm getting giddy.



The alert categories are:

• News


• Blogs


• Web


• Comprehensive


• Video


• Groups

You can have them email the alerts to your google email address as-it-happens, once a day, or once a week.

Here are the Google Alerts FAQ, the Google Alerts Wiki, and even an article on using Google alerts for intelligence tracking.

You should also be aware of a similar service called Yotify. As detailed in this Jason Kincaid article (9/24/09):

Yotify allows users to track variables across a number of different services, including price changes, event ticket availability, and user profile modifications.

If anybody has an opinion about which service is better, please comment below.

How to tell if you've been Stumbled Upon

StumbleUpon is a fun service. I have a StumbleUpon toolbar on my Firefox. When I'm bored I click the "Stumble" button and it takes me to new websites based upon the interests and categories I selected.

You may have seen the StumbleUpon logo at the top left of this post on websites and articles inviting you to StumbleUpon said website or article if you like it and would like to share it with others.

StumbleUpon discovers web sites based on your interests. Whether it's a web page, photo or video, our personalized recommendation engine learns what you like, and brings you more.

If you're curious to see if your website or blog has been Stumbled Upon, here's what you do:

Put your URL after http://www.stumbleupon.com/url/ & search

For example, my blog (which has not a one review and I'm totally okay with that lol) can be found at http://www.stumbleupon.com/url/http://happy-making.blogspot.com.

Happy Stumbling!

The great garage cleanup 2008

Here's how it's going so far. I'll keep you updated as I know you'll be on the edge of your seat.

Me: Why don't you call Brian to see if he can bring his truck by this weekend. I don't want to clear out a bunch of junk and have it just sitting there in front of the house.

My Bitter Half:

Me: Do you want to do anything today or do you want to just sit there?

My Bitter Half: Watching Iron Chef It's after two o'clock, so the day's almost over. *

* Is that in the man handbook? Two o'clock is the understood point after which no projects should be started?

[ETA My Bitter Half: Yes, it's the point of no return ! }

Pictures of Joe Joe and Lily from last weekend

We went to the park on Sunday. Joe Joe had a blast running around! And it was so good to see. Where I live the Summer is basically our Winter. It has us stowed away inside for three plus months waiting for the 110 degree weather to die down and the fire ants to get out of Dodge. Since it was under 90 last weekend, we decided to venture out.



Here's me holding Lily. She cried for about ten minutes and then fell asleep. Caveat, I did have to keep doing the Mommy jiggle. You know, that shuffle/jiggle you do when your baby is in the carrier. If I stopped for more than five seconds at a time she would fuss again.

Here's Lily in a more colorful moment later that day.


All photos in this post © Pickles and Poo 2008. All Rights Reserved.

Watch out for sneaky mortgage fees

My Bitter Half was reading excerpts from this article on mortgage loan fees to me the other day. It soon became clear to me that we were slapped with just about every fee in the book on our last mortgage. I can't prove it (yet!) but I even suspect they charged us for stocking the paper towels and sweet & low in their break room.

I don't want that to happen to you, so I'm going to share some of the points from this article that I found to be invaluable for those shopping around for a mortgage. (In this day and age, you are very brave indeed.)

• Make sure you get your good faith estimate.

A document called the good-faith estimate, or GFE, is invaluable when shopping around. The lender is required to furnish a GFE within a few days of your application. Like a library using the Dewey Decimal System, the GFE is arranged in numbered sections. The 800s and 1100s are the sections to concentrate on when you compare and negotiate.

The 800 section denotes the lender's fees. For example, 801 is the origination fee, 804 is the credit report fee and 808 is often the broker's fee. The 1100s denote title fees (among them, 1102 for the title search and 1108 for the title insurance premium).

• Question every cost

"You don't just have to take it," says Christopher Cruise, who trains mortgage brokers and loan officers. "If it says 'administrative,' or 'doc prep' or 'miscellaneous,' it's just pure junk."

Even mortgage executives, when e-mailing among themselves, refer to these fees disparagingly. According to the August issue of Conde Nast Portfolio, Countrywide executives referred to some fees as "junk" and "garbage." When ordering a low-cost mortgage for a politician, the executives would specify "no junk" or "no garbage fees."

Ordinary consumers didn't get the same consideration.

• Beware of double-dipping

Sometimes a broker will charge an origination fee (line 801) and a broker fee (usually line 808). "It's the same thing!" Cruise exclaims.

The 1100 section of the GFE, for title charges, warrants scrutiny, too. If any fee seems unjustified, ask that it be waived.

• Compare estimates

It's easy to get hung up on the individual fees and lose sight of the bigger picture. Different lenders give different names to their fees. That can be confusing. To simplify things, compare two or more estimates by adding up the dollar figures in each GFE's 800 section and compare those subtotals with one another. Do the same with the 1100 sections. If any subtotals stand out as unusually high or low, ask why.

• Click here to find out where your state ranks in closing costs

Make sure to get your three free credit reports on an annual basis

You're probably already aware that you're entitled to three free credit reports per year. Every twelve months, you're allowed to request a free credit report from each of the nationwide consumer credit reporting agencies.

• Equifax


• Experian


• TransUnion

You may not, however, be aware that it is possible to request your free credit reports from the wrong place. I haven't investigated each and every credit report service, but one that comes to mind is FreeCreditReport[dot]com. My Bitter Half signed up with them to receive his "free" credit report. What he didn't know is that if you forget to cancel the service within the 30 day allotted time, you will be charged around $15 per month for their service. And get this - even if you cancel after 31 days, you are still required to pay for three monts of the service. By trying to do a good thing, we found ourselves out forty five smackers.

THIS is the place you want to go to get your free credit reports. Get them. Review them with a fine tooth comb. Contact the agencies to clear up any discrepancies. You may find things on there that don't actually belong to you, and you may find accounts where you owe a piddly amount and weren't even aware of it. Get these things cleaned up and you should find your credit much improved within six months.

P.S. Thanks to my Mom for forwarding me this link. She's always on my case about this stuff.

Sign up for General Mills freebies with Pssst

General Mills has a neat little program called Pssst wherein you sign up to receive coupons, freebies and other cool stuff. I signed up well over a month ago, and just received a packet from them containing, among other things, a coupon for a free roll of Pillsbury Grands Sweet Rolls or twists, and ten coupons promoting their new product, chocolate flaky twists that I am to pass around to my friends.

I'd like some of these, even if my thighs end up hating me for it!

We're probably doing all we can to lower our blog's Google page rank

These days a lot of us blogging fiends are keeping an eye on our page ranking. A lot of factors come into play when determining page rank. And lots of blogs are being penalized for various reasons. To this laywoman's view, among them are:

1. Blog Spam - I've been told that the incestuous nature of blogs (linking to one another and whatnot) can drive down page rank. Kind of funny about this—you are bumped up in the ratings by having people comment on your blog, and link back to it, but yet you get zinged for having "blog spam". I don't get it. (Warming up to a rant here.) You can check on your blog spam using the bad neighborhood tool mentioned below.

2. Monetized Blogs - If you get paid to post, and advertise this on your blog, you can (and most likely eventually will) get slammed down to a zero faster than you can come up with a Sarah Palin joke. I personally don't think this is fair, as most websites have one form of advertising or another contained within. I just see blogs penalized for this. Are bloggers held to a higher standard? And if so, pray tell why? Bloggers are just human beings with human frailties like hunger and the desire to keep our children clothed. Last time I checked, nobody (with the exception of Robert Scoble), was getting rich off of blogging. I for one am just hoping to pay the electricity bill this month. And it's a catch-22. You have to have a certain page rank to receive offers, but if you do your page rank will revert to zero. Makey no sense. But I digress...

According to IZEA Customer Love:

Unfortunately, no one knows why Google Page Rank has updated for so many bloggers. One theory is that they are discounting paid links, however, many sites that do not participate in paid programs have also experienced a drop in rankings.

Some people think it has more to do with the no-follow tags and still others think it is the incestuous nature of blogs (everyone is linked to everyone else).

In addition, with the recent launch of RealRank in the Izea Marketplace, page rank will not be of as much importance since our system is now able to provide actual traffic metrics instead of estimates and elusive algorithmic theories.

[ETA this blog is no longer monetized. Ref: I will be a ho no mo!]

3. Bad Neighborhoods - Being considered a bad neighborhood is likely to affect your page rank. Think of it like VD. Even if you aren't a bad neighborhood yourself, if you have even one link to a site considered a bad neighborhood within your blog, you will be considered a bad neighborhood yourself and penalized for it as will all may all of the other people linked to you. I found a great tool to help with this. (Side note, I had to remove some links to my favorite blogs because they came up as bad neighborhoods for silly reasons. Fo shizzle!) Be sure to use this site to check your blog often, and use it to check links before you include them in a post.

4. Link Density - Apparently Google doesn't like to see more than one hundred links on a page. Now this sounds reasonable to me, and easy enough to achieve. Problem is I can't do it. You see, I like to promote other blogs and give credit where credit is due. That means I have links to other blogs speckled among my posts and pages. Add these links to the blogs on my blogroll, and the links to freebies and articles and whatnot and suddenly I'm venturing into the overlinking zone! You can also check on your link density using the aforementioned bad neighborhood tool.

5. Nofollow tags - You can read about them here. The idea, from what I've been able to grasp thusfar, is to have links on your blog, but sort of make them invisible to search engine spiders by adding the'rel="nofollow"'attribute so that you won't be penalized due to the previous four reasons and probably others. I know that most sponsored post advertisers don't allow them, but they are still being used quite a bit.

I'm sure there are other things that can negatively affect your Google page ranking. I'll update this post as I come across them, so please be sure to bookmark it and check back often! If you can think of anything to add, please comment below.

Ten things to do if you believe home values will take a dump

I happened upon this post over at Millionaire Mommy's blog. It's an excerpt she posted from economic consultant John Talbott's book, The Coming Crash in the Housing Market : 10 Things You Can Do Now to Protect Your Most Valuable Investment.

The notes made are hers, not mine. I'm leaving them in as they're the part I found to be the most educational. Please be sure to check out her blog for more great tips. Apparently this woman is a self-made millionaire. You go girl!

It's never too late to protect yourself. Yes, the market took a dump already, but these are good tips to follow if you don't expect the housing market to rebound any time soon.

Here's the list:

Decrease your exposure to residential real estate (done - we sold our home and rented instead)

Move from a higher priced area to a lower priced area (done - we downsized our home and our lifestyle)

Manage your debt leverage better (done - we became 100% debt free)

Hedge your exposure to residential real estate (done - since we sold our home, we hedged the other way -- we invested in real estate ETFs, REITs and mutual funds while they were still trending up. When the trend turned downward, we sold our real estate holdings with the simple click of our mouse button. Therefore, we profited from the still-climbing real estate prices even after we sold our home-- without getting stuck in a home that wouldn't sell after the housing bubble had popped.)

Plan now in case of a major transition event (done - we prevented job layoff troubles in two ways: first, we were self-employed; second, we saved enough money that working became optional)

Examine other contingency plans (done - we considered lots of 'what if' scenarios using Money's Lifetime Planner tool)

Maintain adequate insurance (done - term life, medical, disability and liability policies in place)

Investigate bankruptcy protections now (we skipped this one)

Become more civically involved (an evolving and growing process for me)

Reassess your life priorities (done, consistently)

Recipe - Montana Biscuits with whole wheat flour

Here's a recipe my dear old (I'm going to get a "look" for that) Mom sent me when I requested a recipe for biscuits made from whole wheat flour. At the bottom, in bold, are my questions to her about the recipe and next to them, unbolded, are her answers. Yes, I realize that unbolded is not a real word. Just let it go. If you have any healthy recipes to share please send them to me at heather[at]howtobeawoman.net. I will post them and give you credit with appreciation for your contribution.

Montana Biscuits (Workbasket, 3/85)

1/2 C. shortening, melted (one stick)
1 egg
3/4 C. honey
1 t. salt
1 1/2 T. baking powder
1 1/2 t. baking soda
3 C. whole wheat flour
water

Mix first six ingredients. (Add 1 C. room temperature sourdough starter?) Add flour and water --enough water to make consistency of bread dough, but not sticky.
Knead dough for 5 mins; then let dough rest for another 5 min.
Roll or pat dough to 1/2 inch thickness. Cut out biscuits and place on ungreased pan. Bake at 350F for apprx. 15 min.
You may want to try 1/2 all purpose flour and 1/2 w.w. flour.)

(From Mom)

_______________________________

1) Do I really use shortening, or margerine? Shortening. That butter-flavored Crisco that comes in sticks would be handy; otherwise, just regular shortening in a can. Note: be sure to let the melted shortening cool before you stir in the egg! 2) Am I supposed to add the sourdough starter? Or is that optional? It's optional. I just threw that in there in case you are feeling adventurous some day. And if so, what purpose does it serve? It gives your bread, pancakes, whatever, that good tangy sourdough flavor. Regarding the Quick Sourdough Starter - is that really all you need? How do I make the bread itself? Just put some pats on a cookie sheet and bake for a while? Oh, how precious! Sourdough cookie bumps. :o) No, the starter is basically just the sourdough flavoring medium. You have to go ahead and add the flour and other bread ingredients to the cup of starter to make enough dough for a loaf of bread. There are gobs of good s.d. recipes on the internet.

Figure how how much it costs to drive somewhere

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="160" caption="Don't leave it to chance!"][/caption]

I just came upon this website wherein you can type in your trip info and it will calculate your cost to drive there! Ain't it cool?

What you will need to provide:

1. Where you are going, FROM and TO

2. Year, Make & Model of your vehicle

For me to drive from Palm Springs, CA to Los Angeles, CA it would cost... drumroll, please...

• Fuel 5.19 Gallons


• Average Gas Price $3.30


• Total Cost $17.14

This is a wonderful tool. Especially with the economy presently blowing chunks as it were.

Google Page Rank Meltdown aka Help Me Obi Mari Smith

I don't know whether to attribute it to sun spots to or a fatal flaw in Google's page ranking algorithms, but I recently found myself prematurely slapped with a Google Page Rank of 3. Perhaps Google swiped my site on the precise day when Stitchblade (a legitimately popular blogger) and her friends stopped by to support her in my post about her blog. Maybe My Bitter Half paid The Big G off to keep me in the home office and out of his hair.

Regardless of the reason, my sudden status has turned me into a spastic, twitchy basket case. You see, PR 3 seems to be the magic number for those of us with monetized blogs. Yes, I admit it. My blog is monetized. I do this because Joe Joe needs a new pair of shoes. Bills to pay. Times are hard. Don't you dare judge me. Anyway, advertisers who'd previously splashed mud in my face while swerving widely to avoid me were now knocking at my door and offering me tiny amounts of money to write sponsored reviews. I was floored. I expected this might happen, but after many more months at the very least.

Now I'm paralyzed. Unlike Stitchblade, I do not work best under pressure. I implode like a snot-laden Kleenex. I become wide-eyed and jumpy like a spazzy chihuahua. My hair gets frizzy. My kids fear the vein that pumps so purple and visible on my forehead and occasionally whips around like an unruly hose.

Not unlike Kate, my brain has been wiped clean of all thought. The self-induced pressure to keep my rank up has nearly driven me to drink.

It's become so bad that I'm now considering joining Facebook. (The rabbit hole of doom).

I've been riddling my site with various social bookmarking icons. My God, it's beginning to make me look desperate.

I'm worrying that my only true regular commentator, Putradi, (bless his little heart) will tire of me and gravitate away.

I've spent nearly an hour trying to compose a hooky Tweet to @marismith . If I do, perhaps she will be lured in. She will be powerless to resist my wit. She'll take time out of her busy day to view my blog, and be glad she did. She'll think to herself, "Now there's a blogger with promise! I'm going to take her under my Mariwing and show her the golden path to Blogvana!". Blogvana, of course, being my idea of Blogging Nirvana.

I've been blogging about Robert Scoble, a popular tech geek blogger, in hopes that he'll become so irritated at the unwanted attention that he'll come here himself to comment and ask me to scuttle off from whence I came. It will, of course, be supremely humiliating. However, definitely not the worst of my many internet humiliations. Perhaps he'll bring a couple of his thousands of internet buddies along with him. Surely that will help to keep my Page Rank up until the next Google pass. It matters not that his blog niche is not even remotely related to mine, nor that technology is of no particular interest to me. I'll be placing these efforts in my bulging "seemed like a good idea at the time" file. That's not to say the Scoble Hole isn't a fascinating place. Reading his posts and comments is like being a fly on the wall at an MIT Frat party. Not unlike piggybacking the Mars rover to somebody like me.

It would help if I could write. Mind you, I'm under no illusions with regards to my writing abilities. On a good day, my technical skills are passable. I'm more of an emoter than a writer. But there are times when I wish I had stores of talent and knowledge upon which to draw to tickle your literary senses into a titter. To make you want to come back and see me on occasion. To inspire you to think or laugh or (dare I say it?) comment on my posts.

I suppose if it's meant to be it will be. For now, I'll make an effort to slough off the pressure and continue to have a good time, as was my original intent. I'll have faith that if my ranking should go down, you won't be too high on schadenfreude to drop by and give a sistah some love. And tomorrow I'll be one step closer to knowing how to be a woman.

(Originally posted at http://howtobeawoman.net)

Where have you gone Joe DiMaggio?

I have one CD on my minivan. One CD with one set of songs on permaplay. One of those songs is Mrs. Robinson by Simon & Garfunkel. I did not put this CD in my car. It was My Bitter Half's doing. He's the one with taste and musical vision. He's able to find the right song for the right mood at the right time. I'm the type whose mind goes blank when she walks into a music store.

Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio
A nation turns its lonely eyes to you (Woo, woo, woo)
What's that you say, Mrs. Robinson
Joltin' Joe has left and gone away
(Hey, hey, hey...hey, hey, hey)

That's not to say that music doesn't affect me. Or matter to me. I keep getting that lyric stuck on the merry go round in my head. Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio? People are hurting. People are confused. People are losing their homes and getting second and third jobs. People are isolating themselves at home in increasing numbers. We've never been more connected. Nor have we ever felt so alone.

Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio? Why aren't young kids gathering in their rooms to fawn over cards with your slick, smiling image? Listening to music while lying on their backs tossing baseballs into the air? What caused their parents to turn away from you and shy away from hope and a sense of us and right and good?

It's time for you to come home.