Saturday, February 13, 2010

The Muse has a Sick Sense of Humor


as Maxwell Smart
Image via Wikipedia


I was so inspired by yesterday's guest post by Justin Germino that I plunked my ample behind in a comfy chair and had another go at poetry writing.

Like most, I have a teen journal filled with earnest but wanting attempts and it breaks my heart to read them. A bad poem is like a sloppy kiss. I want my poetry to be like uvula-rattling historical fiction sex—the kind where the hero has you backwards on a horse and you both climax as you leap from a cliff to the top of his castle, or I don't want it to exist at all.

Granted, this demand for perfection of expression is most likely going to keep my feet glued to the springboard unless I beat it into submission with insolent, mediocre little practice poems.

So I gave it a go, and it wasn't long before I started to remember that if you're me it sucks to write poetry. It's fun—an absolute blast in fact, but it sucks. I can usually cough up a good line or two, but, as with ball sports, the difference between a zero and a hero rests in the follow-through—and I ain't got none o' that.

I attempted a poem about rain and somehow ended up with the start of a Country Western song:

The last time Georgia danced slow
was at a honky tonk in Barstow
The rain was hard
and the wind whipped cruel
but his body was safe and warm


Maybe someday I'll finish it. Or maybe not. 8O

Then out of nowhere this popped into my head:

His gentle white ivories nourished
the keys and the
song sprang up
to greet
him


Then nothing. It was like a door slammed shut in my brain. I chased after the next door and the next until the scenario played out in my brain in the manner of the opening sequence of Get Smart. As always, the sophomore stanza is devastated by some ludicrous, infantile rhyme that my consciousness rightfully (and thankfully!) dives ten neural feet to head-butt into oblivion.

I blame you, Dr. Seuss. It’s become apparent that I’ve fatally internalized you and Theo LeSeig, and am doomed to emulate and derate your legacy. Case in point:

The man went to the country bar
Far, far to the country bar
And his boots
Went root toot
And his spurs and belt buckle
went whir and tootschmukel
In the most particularly schmuckulous way
you might say...


I am ruined!

Never again!

Maybe I'll try again tomorrow.


All ridiculousness © Heather Kephart

43 comments:

  1. Have you every seen the book Poemcrazy: Freeing Your Life with Words, by Susan G. Wooldridge? It was a big one for me for learning how to write poetry, and for relaxing about it. Poetry for me exercises certain muscles. It's not my primary goal as writer, though--more like cross-training--so that's probably another reason I've relaxed about it. ;)

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  2. Barstow- I think outlets, Hadleys and Viva Las Vegas.

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  3. A neural head-butt? LOL Heather, please let your writing assume whatever form it needs to feel natural to/for you at any given moment of creative burstiness. I was right there in that bar with Georgia, and at the piano with its gift of song, but your last verse made me laugh out loud and feel good. BTW, do you happen to remember the title of, er, that castle leaping novel?

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  4. if your poetry sucks, then where does that take me?

    but don't say "Never again"

    or is that a prelude to the next poem? who knows? as you said, the muse has a sick sense of humor :-)

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  5. He he he, I was laughing as I was reading your verses. You have that insouciance and delightful indifference that is endearing.

    I think your poems are sincere and has a humorous heart to it. They're good reads, thanks for making me smile. The first for my day...lol...
    .-= Jena Isle´s last blog ..WOOF Contest Top Picks for February =-.

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  6. Hello Ann Marie, so nice to meet you. :) No, I have not read that book. I just added it to my Amazon Wish List though, so thank you for the recommendation.

    I've always been a book reader, but I discovered my love of writing fairly recently. I wish I could reel in the years and start studying as of 20 years ago. There are so many aspects of writing that fascinate me, that I would like to explore, but not nearly enough time!

    I agree that poetry seems to exercise certain muscles. Seems like a good way to train the brain to be more creative, and access subconscious imagery. My goal is to be a novelist, so it's not my primary goal either, but I would like to teach myself how to finish poems instead of just starting them. It would really add to my confidence as a writer. Thanks for coming by!

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  7. And now you'll also think of Merle Haggard.

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  8. LOL - thank you! I think that book title was "The Moat Crock Done Warned Me".

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  9. Hi Roy, most poetry sucks, but I seriously doubt that yours does! I was more referring to the process of writing poetry sucking for me than the poetry itself. Just the frustration of not being able to proceed and flesh out an idea. (Or should I say flush out an idea?)

    I'm sure I'll be giving it another try at some point. Take care & have fun with that guitar!

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  10. Hi Jen. Thanks, I'm so glad I was able to give you a giggle!

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  11. Great rhymes. The lack of affectation is very disarming. And hey, your tootschmukel can send anybody in a fit of giggles.

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  12. Come on now, that's good stuff! You've done right by Dr. Seuss and poetry writers everywhere.

    Like you, sometimes I start a poem and it sounds GREAT, but after the second stanza, I lose my steam and have to abandon ship.

    I say set your intention that you want to write award-winning poetry (or whatever modifier best fits there), and so it shall be. You'll wake up one day full of words that hang together rhythmically like the cast of A Chorus Line. It will be effortless!

    Thanks for the laugh and for planting seeds of poetry writing in my head... (smile)
    .-= Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord´s last blog ..Underwear in the Jungle! =-.

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  13. I have faith in you, Heather. You can do it! Pretty soon the only words you'll be saying to your figurative Dr. Seuss nemesis is WHO'S YOUR DADDY?

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  14. Every poem has its beauty, one just need to read it by heart--not by mind. :-)

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  15. Thanks, Jan! I think you're all at once plucky and ducky.

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  16. Hi Megan, sorry for planting that seed! And you're right. I've lived my life as a generalist as that's what our society seems to want us to be. I need to shift into specificist mode (I know that's not a real word.) if I have any hope of being great at any one thing, rather than just passable.

    Have a Joyful day!

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  17. HA! Oh Andy, you crack me up.

    Up, up, up!
    Like a balloon that goes bup!
    It's red and it's round
    and lost but soon found...
    And if I could catch it I'd snatch it. :)

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  18. Walter, Walther, Walter so good to see you. :) As always you are right (in a way), insofar as one does not consider Foreigner lyrics to be poems, unless of course the truth of them is in fact beauty.

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  19. I'm still stuck on the "uvula-rattling historical fiction sex!"
    .-= Mama Zen´s last blog ..Calm =-.

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  20. i chase the poem and it flees
    i corrall it and it kicks me
    i sit down with my latte
    and a sky imported from Italy
    and poems pour like tequila
    through my hair and land
    on my historical fiction sex pages
    as if they'd been born there.

    this one...

    His gentle white ivories nourished
    the keys and the
    song sprang up
    to greet
    him

    TOTALLY hit home with me. i love nourished in that context!

    xo
    .-= Jannie Funster´s last blog ..5 More BIG Photos — Whoo-hoo. (and a poll, in case you’d missed it in the sidebar.) =-.

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  21. Haha! Me too! Thanks for stopping by. :)

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  22. Okay, I have to say that I love the word "schmuckulous"...can I borrow that?
    .-= Helene´s last blog ..What does ice cream have to do with sex? =-.

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  23. Nice experiment to sharpen your poetry cells :)
    .-= Chanda´s last blog ..Understanding Intellectual Property Rights: Introduction =-.

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  24. Awesome poetry! I love the rhyming and the play of words!

    It's nice to be back in the blogosphere again after a forced hiatus due to lack of internet at the new place.
    .-= Charles Bjørnsen Ravndal´s last blog ..The Day When I Came Out From My Mother’s Orifice. =-.

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  25. heather, a line or two would already make the poems complete. a sort of a collection of very short poems. who knows, if you read it again at some other time, you'll be able to come up with more stanzas.
    .-= novz´s last blog ..UFC 110: Nogueira vs Velasquez: Results Predictions =-.

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  26. Hope you and yours are all fine and dandy today, sweet lady!!

    xo

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  27. LOL.. how can we not love you, Jannie! I think you found a good help, Heather. :-) As I'm not any good in poetry, I can't judge as well. However, I admire and respect all creativity. Therefore, you have my applause for trying and I'm sure someday you'll surprise us all with a savvy and refreshing poem. :-) Don't give up just yet!

    @wchingya
    Social/Blogging Tracker
    .-= Ching Ya@Social Media Blogging´s last blog ..Art Of Communicating in Social Networks =-.

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  28. Jannie! You totally cracked me up with your poem. "i corrall it and it kicks me" would have me in tears if I weren't so dehydrated. You are such a good lyricist, I wonder if it always came easy to you?

    Sorry it took me so long to respond. I've been trying to write and thus avoiding my blog like the plague as I tend to be an all-or-nothing kind of gal. (Very bad, I know.)
    xo
    .-= Heather Kephart´s last blog ..The Muse has a Sick Sense of Humor =-.

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  29. But of caarse, Helene! Hey, if you try real hard, schmuckulous rhymes with your latest blog post.

    schmuckulous
    dowithsex

    Works for me!
    .-= Heather Kephart´s last blog ..The Muse has a Sick Sense of Humor =-.

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  30. Hi Charles, good to see you! No internet at the new place? Oh, I hate that. Then you get so much catching-up biting at your shoulder.
    .-= Heather Kephart´s last blog ..The Muse has a Sick Sense of Humor =-.

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  31. I would say more dandy than fine, but it's all good. :) Hugglepuggle.
    .-= Heather Kephart´s last blog ..The Muse has a Sick Sense of Humor =-.

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  32. Hi Novz, thanks! I should probably save these things and string them together, hoping they fit. Lazy poetry. :)
    .-= Heather Kephart´s last blog ..The Muse has a Sick Sense of Humor =-.

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  33. As for me Heather, I am encouraged by the short stories of Holly recently to write my own. I had already written one. Then I tried to write again yesterday that I find myself hanging and just ended it with "to be continued..", LOL!

    And while on my way home, I am also thinking that my story sucks! That I don't want to continue it at all, that I should have not posted that one, he he he.

    Should we blame our P50 group for this feeling? Kidding!

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  34. I wouldn't say that's bad, it'll be great to discover new things about yourself all the time until you found the real passion that you're going to make it a long, lasting effort. You never know. :-)
    .-= Ching Ya´s last blog ..Art Of Communicating in Social Networks =-.

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  35. I think that's fantastic, Madz! At least you were able to complete a short story from start to finish. I've yet to do that. I am unfamiliar with the format. But, like you, I am curious and may attempt one someday.

    I need to get out of this mindset of having wasted so much of my time and so many of my years on fruitless pursuits. It's making me not want to try anything unless it has the potential to lead to something that will start a career or bring me some moola. That is the wrong mindset when it comes to creativity. We have to believe that it's not a waste of time, and that we are not wasting our time but rather learning. Learning what we are not good at, and what we don't want is just as good as learning the opposite.

    Sorry for the tangent, there! And YES we should most definitely blame those P50 people! Not kidding! :P lol
    .-= Heather Kephart´s last blog ..The Muse has a Sick Sense of Humor =-.

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  36. You are so right, Ching! You'd think at my age I'd know. But I spent so many years not trying, that my trying muscles are atrophied and in need of exercise. I think it might help to look back over activities and pursuits that have brought us joy and satisfaction and look for common themes. :)

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  37. Hahaha! You already had me in stitches at:
    "I want my poetry to be like uvula-rattling historical fiction sex..."

    I had to avert my eyes for a second because I thought you meant another word with the same letters as "uvula" - swooosh!

    I think I have the same problem as you, that's why I only write poetry when I really feel like it. It's difficult to force a rhyme or a creative thought. When I want to write a poem but am not feeling creative, I write a silly poem instead. :p :lol:
    .-= reyjr´s last blog .."Earning 10 in 2010" - Feb 2010 Online Earnings update! =-.

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  38. I'm in somewhat of a creative funk at the moment too, but I try not to be too hard on myself and neither should you. Brilliance often springs forth when you least expect it as long as you keep searching for it.

    Clogging your creative process with self-doubt serves only to be less connected with the purity and authenticity of your creative soul. That doesn't mean you should not honestly reflect on the quality of what you produce, but I think it should be akin to a guided flow instead of a self-imposed barrier.

    You are NOT ruined, just still searching.
    .-= Jason Zuckerman´s last blog ..Visualizing Psychology Canadian Edition =-.

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  39. I enjoy writing poetry far more than reading it. I'm just learning the rules and find I break them more often than not. But the real work will be behind the scenes on the editing and transforming of writing already done and needing attention. Guess it's time to hit up the library and start reading everything I can get my mitts on, too.

    Hope all is well with you. Miss seeing you around. :(
    .-= Anne Bender´s last blog ..Getting Down to the Business of Writing =-.

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  40. Why did I just now see this? Thank you, Jason. That was an incredibly compelling and supportive comment. Have a great night.

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  41. Anne, you are so right. Best to get things down, like Jason said, and go back later and revise. Don't worry about producing magic the first time around. Sometimes we may be in the mood to excavate our brains, other times to polish and perfect.

    Also, I need to get back to reading Tana French. I can't wait until her new book comes out. I find it easier to write when I'm in the middle of one of her books.

    And thank you, I miss you too!

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  42. But aren't you feeling creative if you want to write a poem? I can't imagine wanting to write a poem if you aren't feeling creative. I like silly poems. :D

    LOL about your uvula comment!

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