It's time to face facts. I'm prematurely becoming a Senior Citizen.

Hey, I have nothing against the blue of hair and cranky of mood. In fact, some of my best friends are older than dirt. Walking sticks are a fine invention, and are at their best and most useful when being shaken in the face of a passing teenager. I don't think there's a darn thing wrong with standing on your lawn in your walking slippers for hours at a time shooting eye daggers at nothing and nobody in particular.

Yet, silly me, I thought it would be a good 15 years before I was ready to throw in the towel and start looking forward to early bird dinners at Denny's. I was wrong. It's true. I'm over the hump. There is a new trend (besides hip hop which just needs to go away along with showing your thong and your butt crack) that I just don't get. I don't understand Facebook apps. I really, really don't get them. They seem fun and friendly enough. Kate from One More Thing is kind enough to give me a green patch plant every now and then. I copied my friend Sabina and gave myself a Jennifer Aniston piece of flair.

But I don't know what any of it means. Pieces of flair, ok I can figure that much out. But what is "fluff voting"? And why do none of my "stories"? (Stories???) show up on my own news feed. I need them to be there so I can see just how dorky I appear to the outside world. But they don't. They're not there. And nobody in the help section knows how to make them appear.

There are some Mommy apps, (whatever a Mommy app is), but I don't know what to do with them. I just don't get the big picture. What if I do something silly on Facebook and don't want anybody to know about it but a log of my silliness is posted on everyone's profile? Worse yet— what if I do something awesome and nobody is appraised of it? What if my one totally awesome action goes completely, pathetically unseen and dare I say it - uncommented upon?!?

I don't get it. But my friend Patty joined up today and I'm pretty sure she won't get it any more than I do. And I know her well enough to post stupid stuff on her page and not have to worry that she'll think I'm a nuthead. Because she already knows that I am.