Women do unto others as they'd have done unto them

Thanksgiving has me thinking about my fellow man. (Man of course meaning mankind, not the man fellow next to me). I'm not the biggest humanitarian you'll ever encounter. Sometimes, usually while driving, you'll hear me yell out, "Peeeople! AAAAAAgh! PEOPLE! That's it. I'm building a cabin in the woods and I'm going to live off the land."

I would never do that, of course. And not just because I don't have the required carpentry and survival skills. Not that I've seriously looked into it. I would never do it because I believe that we need a sense of community to thrive. We need to feel as though we are a part of something bigger than ourselves. We need to feel included, needed, helpful and appreciated. By other people.

Interactions with other people are going to be as tricky or as simple as we choose to make them. Here are some things I've learned that you might find helpful.

1) You are not better than anybody else. ANYBODY. But here's the good part. Conversely, nobody else is better than you. NOBODY. You will be happier if you relate to all people as peers and equals, with the exception, of course, of children, who need to be treated with respect but are not to be treated as peers.

2) There is no free lunch. No free selfish or nasty deed. I'll even venture as far to say no free selfish or nasty thoughts. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Yes, it's better to think a bad thing rather than to actually act on it, but better yet to train ourselves to purge negative thoughts at the bud stage. They hurt and poison us, and they also have the power to effect those around us.

Taken from Ralph Waldo Emerson's Essays: First Series (1841), Essay III: Compensation:

All infractions of love and equity in our social relations are speedily punished. They are punished by fear. Whilst I stand in simple relations to my fellow-man, I have no displeasure in meeting him. We meet as water meets water, or as two currents of air mix, with perfect diffusion and interpenetration of nature. But as soon as there is any departure from simplicity, and attempt at halfness, or good for me that is not good for him, my neighbour feels the wrong; he shrinks from me as far as I have shrunk from him; his eyes no longer seek mine; there is war between us; there is hate in him and fear in me.

When we are in the throes of negativity, whether it be self-induced or inflicted upon us by another, we are presented with a choice. We can choose to take it in and let us poison us. Or we can brush it off of us like metal shavings from a magnet and remain light of heart and free to love and be loved.

3) When you're feeling pretty good about yourself and things are going right and you're receiving back-pats and accolades from people you admire, choose humility. Don't believe your own hype. It is an illusion. You are just you, the same you you always were, warts and all. You still poop. You still sneak a Dorito every now and then. You still think negative thoughts about your friends and beat yourself up over it. A choice to be humble is a choice to be happy. A choice to be humble frees you from fear of falling and the curse of perfectionism.

4) Do not share your good deeds with others. Keep them to yourself. This is a lot harder than it sounds. But if you know ahead of time that ain't nobody knowhow going to find out about that wonderful thing you're about to do, you will be less likely to step into the bear trap called self-pride. And this can lead to more struggles with humility. You know this already and don't need me to tell you. I'm only reminding myself publicly, not telling you what to do.

Also, as goofy as it sounds, we sometimes stop ourselves from giving to others or doing good deeds because we are subconsciously afraid of the attention we will receive because of them, and the embarrassment that attention will bring to us. People will tell us how wonderful we are, and because most of us really think we're less than wonderful, the guilt and shame will creep in, effectively punishing us for doing a good deed. This of course will cause us to be less likely to give and help and share in the future. Best to keep your trap shut and your heart open.

5) Don't ever give up. EVER. If you give up, you will die inside. Remember that with love all things are possible. Your dream is worth it. You are worth it. A better life must be had. And yes, you can fly.

Christmas is approaching. I love Christmas and Hanukkah time. People are a little nicer to one another. Family suddenly becomes more important to everybody. I'm lucky enough to have people I love around me, and I do not take that for granted. I'm going to keep on working on becoming a little less of a selfish, self-obsessed ninny so I can have more to offer them and you. If you see me acting up, please do call me on and give me a chance to make amends rather than writing me off completely. I promise to do the same.