Agh!

AAAAAAAAAGhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

Agh!

AGH AGH!

Why couldn't I have known what I know now like five simple months ago? Just five?

I'm not asking for the world here. I just want to be able to do simple computer stuff. SIMPLE. STUFF.

But noooooooooooooo. NO!

AGH!

I'm working on retroheather.com and it's all a big ball of pain. I was trying to integrate Wordpress with Zen Cart and I aaaalmost had it, but kept getting this ONE pesky little error so I nuked it all! THRICE!

The only person in the world who can help me, my stepson Brian, is at the gym pumping up. It's almost as though he'd rather do that than help me. I'm SO sure.

I am NOT a patient person!

And on top of it all, I'm trying to learn to knit and that's been a whole other ball of frustration. How is it possible to have one loop in front of a stitch and two in back??? HOW? And how long does it take to whip out a scarf, anyway? I figured I'd have one done in a couple of hours flat.

How do women stand it? The projects with no immediate gratification and periods of delays and waiting and just staring and eating chili and coming back and no, it's still not done or it's still not working! AGH!

All I want to do is create stuff to sell on Etsy to supplement our income so I can stay home with the kids. But instead of creating I spend my time in here virtually creating. And what does it amount to? Nothing! Sure it's fun, but it doesn't put bacon in Lily's bottle. Not to mention all the nuts out there sprinkled amongst the human gems.

People like drama. I used to like drama, but then I had kids and got reeeally busy. And now I don't like drama anymore. Well, the world didn't get the message. Hey world - I don't want your drama! I want you to infuse my fingers with talent. Make them nimble and make them swift and make them create with the speed of 1,000 grannies! Knitting one scarf a month is not going to cut it.

Why didn't I think of all this when I was pregnant with Joe Joe? I could have had it all together by now instead of flailing around publicly from one project to another trying to congeal my creative juices.

Am I mad?

How do people with small kids earn extra money? Do you have to be clever? Innovative? Sassy? Skilled?

I won't give up. I've decided I'm gong to start making stuff and selling it. And I'm going to talk about it on my new blog. Am I selling it to you? No. I know you don't need a scarf. But hey, maybe Google will pick it up and somebody who wants a scarf knit by some fool who can't even put together a website and can barely put needle to yarn will find the post and then find my Etsy store which, of course, it still empty.

People are going to be able to look at my creative offerings and see my heart and soul in them and know that they are so much more than just scarves and memory books. They will be able to see that they contain the sweat and frustration and busts of creative joy that I have to offer, and decide that no others will do.

Ew. Sweaty scarf.

Maybe in 2009, just to keep things interesting, I'll stop editing my posts. I won't be concerned about appearances. I've always tried to be honest, but to be honest I still wanted to look reasonably adept. Maybe I'm over that. Maybe I don't care about looking good anymore. Maybe honesty is as honesty does. Maybe this is all leading to something. Maybe I can have it all. Maybe I'll look back on this post ten years from now and smile.

Maybe.