Have faith and speaketh!

For me, blogging just isn't as fun if I think that people will actually be reading what I am writing. Luckily for me, that isn't a huge problem.

What is it about thoughts? Some are best shared, but others lose their punch when aired out in public. Knowing this, might I be able to take advantage rather than suffer because of it? Hmmm.

Example #1: I've initiated a new green tea and pistachio routine during the evenings. After the kids have gone to bed, I sip green tea and have a handful of pistachios while unwinding with the bitter half. Since I've been doing this, I've started to feel much more energetic, and people have been asking me if I'm losing weight.

There, I've gone and done it. I've talked about it. Given events of the past, odds are I'm setting myself up for an orgy of exhaustion and rapid weight gain just by speaking its name. Yet I did it anyway. I couldn't help myself. It's in my nature to want to share.

Example #2: I used to have a fair amount of ridiculous fears about joining Facebook. I blogged about them, (Lord help me I went down the Face Hole), and joined up. I felt an initial wave of lightness and freedom after hitting the blue "Publish" button in my Wordpress dashboard. I continue to feel better and more empowered as I cross paths with increasingly more old friends and acquaintances only to find that they are all very nice people. Each and every last one of them. And not one of them called me fat. To my face.

Another issue of concern to me is the cradling and releasing of my babies. In this case, I'm referring to my thoughts, hopes and dreams. My ideas and my creative process. When they call my head their home is the only time I can say they belong to me. Once unleashed, they belong to the world. Sometimes I miss the intimacy of the relationship between me and my formerly private ideas, prejudices, adorations and hopes. I miss the comfort of my delusions, fears, assumptions and misconceptions. I miss the storms inside me that are my private dreams and longings.

That said, when I share my babies I feel a sense of community. A part of something bigger than myself. I've opened myself up to judgment and speculation by kind and unkind eyes alike. Hence, to the possibility of expansion and change. I do believe that this is one of the keys to happiness and spiritual growth, and I do not regret sharing myself with you. But when I do, I also give away pieces of myself. I can't help but wonder if in doing so I am diminishing myself. If one day I will be an empty vessel, barren of all thoughts, ideas and passions, and not unlike aging partners, one day we will sit across the screen from one another with nothing to say. Or worse yet, we will talk about other people and their hopes and dreams.

On the flip side, I can't help but hope that this sharing is not stripping me away to nothing, but rather building my creative muscles. Perhaps by purging I am making room for more exciting ideas and creative dreams. Perhaps just sharing these things with you allows my babies to ignite and catch fire, to burn brightly and publicly until all the surrounding oxygen is eaten and they die away slowly, fully spent and well-lived.

Given the choice, and there is always a choice, I will take that leap of faith.