Social Media ADD

If you're like me you suffer from Social Media Attention Deficit Disorder. It's gotten to the point where I'm almost mentally paralyzed. My IQ is dialing down as I type this. At any given moment on any given day I am thinking all of these thoughts at once and I'm not kidding:

1. What should I blog about today? Should I even blog today? If I blog two days at once will I be setting a precident and thereby assuring that people will think less of me if I let two or even three or even four days pass between blog entries in the future?
   
   
2. I need to check Facebook. I never get the chance to actually look at everybody's page and get the full scoop on the haps. I should go through my entire friends list and organize people into groups so I can catch up with different groups on different days. Friends, family, bloggers, Avon Reps. But what if people fit into more than one group? What do I do then? Forget it, it's too complicated.
   
   
3. I need to updated my status on Twitter. "Good morning Tweeple! It's me Heather! How are you'z today?". Ugh. "Check out the Avon deliciousness at my funky and fabulous eStore! You KNOW you want to look GUUUD, girl!" He-hl no. "Wacka wacka wacka! Why look so down in the twace when you should be twiling? It's a tweautiful tway twotay!"
   
   
4. I need to find one of those tools that lets me put my Tweeple into groups so I can Tweet more effectively.
   a) SEO Rock Gods!!!!! - All that awesomeness should be contained for safety reasons
   b) Life Coaches - Good resource for affirmations and eastern philosophy quotes
   c) Mommy Bloggers - I can commiserate and follow their @'s to find new mommy blogger followers
   d) "Real" Bloggers - People without kids are the only bloggers to be taken seriously in case you didn't know
   e) Teenagers - Anyone who makes me feel that old needs to be approached with care
   f) Funny people who may or may not be insane for real but I don't care - Nuff said
   g) Other Avon Reps - So I can steal all their good ideas
   h) MC Hammer - His fabulousness needs its own category
   i) Friends and Family - Wait, do I have any on Twitter? Oh crap, I do! Are they reading what I say? Oh no. I'm going to hear about it at Thanksgiving. "Shouldn't you be with your kids instead of talking with all those questionable characters in the internet? I think you even said 'poop' in public. I'm going to speak to your Mother about this."
   
   
5. I need to get some eHow articles up so I can start bringing in some money. Why didn't I think of this back in the day when I actually knew how to do anything? Now all I know how to do is talk about how I don't know how to do anything. Hmm... would that work for an eHow article? How to write an eHow article when you don't know how to do anything?
   
   
6. I need to get caught up on Google Reader. These days actually curling up with a good blog and immersing myself in it seems like a luxury. Oh God, am I doomed to become one of those drive-by phoning-it-in blog networkers? The kind that don't actually read your posts and say things like, "Right on!" and "I always enjoy your posts.", but don't really mean it in a thinly-veiled selfish attempt to get reciprocal comments on their own blog?
   
   
7. I should be creating and promoting a Facebook page for my Avon eStore. But is that even allowed? Will I get it going only to look like a complete ass when Avon comes and cyber-spanks me and makes me take it down?
   
   
8. Should I be working on the blog over at my Avon eStore? Will anyone actually check that? Isn't that sort of like typing up a story and tossing it into the fire? And why did I put a link to my store in this post? Will that look desperate or make me look like a savvy businesswoman? AM I a savvy businesswoman? Am I even a businesswoman or just a cosmetics-schlepping schmuck?
   

There's more, but my brain just froze over. You know that feeling. The numbness starts by your ears and slowly paints the top of your head until it reaches your eyebrows. I can only imagine what I look like to the unsuspecting observer.