Slow Down, but Keep on Moving

Image by tomas brechler via Flickr

I've been a stay at home Mom for three years now, but when I worked in financial services, multitasking with a sense of urgency was the golden standard. There weren't enough hours in the day to accomplish what needed to be done, and an ever-present school of wishes nibbled at the rim of my consciousness—things I wished to accomplish to increase my efficiency and put my team in a position to spend their time doing what they did best, selling, instead of floundering in minutiae that could have and should have been delegated to me or another associate, if only we had the time.

Today, while working on a weekly schedule and wondering if it's possible to purchase sanity by the ounce, it hit me. I'd never come down to Earth. I'd packed that very same golden standard on my back, from Wall Street all the way into Motherhood.

"Great!" you might be thinking. If ever a job requires multitasking skills and a sense of urgency, it's Motherhood. It's one half of the most demanding job in the world, if one is lucky enough to go into it as a Partnership rather than Sole Proprietorship; there are no higher stakes, no more important a charge, no "clients" more precious and deserving.

However, while one most certainly should expect to experience concurrences of will and nature where the golden standard is warranted, it should be held in a holster on the hip an arm's reach away unless, of course, one is a workaholic. In that case it should be kept in a locked vault in the basement, under a copy of The Tao of Pooh.

There in that hallway it hit me like a ton of bricks—slow down, but keep on moving. Pace yourself. I thought, this isn't the old pre-parent days when you could slam out a day's work, then go and pass out on the couch for the rest of the day and evening if you needed to recover. You're a parent now. Your job is 24/7.

When you are at home and not in an office, and you can make your own rules, concentrate on one thing at a time, most of the time. Sleep, take a breather, do what you have to do to relax and keep your sanity, but keep moving. Picture cross-country running rather than an elbow-knocking sprint. Think about doing one thing per hour for three hours instead of doing three things at once for two hours. You should be tuning out far less often to recover from the brain drain and mock ADD created by multitasking, and this should make up some time.

If you are a stay at home Mom like me, realize you don't need to justify your existence with a constant stream of busywork. Focus on what truly matters to you. What matters to me the most right now is the well-being of my children, my family as a whole, and nurturing my passion and my creative outlet: writing. The way I spend my time should reflect and support that.

Unfortunately, at the moment, it doesn't. Instead of burying myself with my habit of perpetuating and possibly even creating needless busywork just to feel intellectually and existentially solvent, I should use the situation to and for my advantage, and for the well-being of those for whom I temporarily resonate with God-like power and light.

Somehow I can't get it through this thick skull of mine that it's okay to take the day and do nothing with it but spend time with my children. That feels like cheating. Before becoming a wife and mother late in life, I had always worked and was confident in my ability to support myself. Now I am dependent upon my husband not only for his income, but for his support as a husband and father. This terrifies me. And so, I manufacture work for myself via blogging and social networking and tell myself it will lead to something someday, that I too am contributing to the family.

Until I can hold up a paycheck to my husband procured via my blogging or writing, I will always feel guilty that I get to stay home with our children while he has to spend the day at outside work. This is not his fault; I do it to myself. I've been told countless times that what I do matters, that there's no more important job in the world than to see to one's family. But in a society that turns down the volume on working women who are lucky enough to choose to be stay at home Moms, I found that I want to be heard.

And so I am in constant motion, trying to make something of myself while I spend my days in the comfort of our home. I'm looking at the wrong way, I know that. Every Mother of older children tries to impress on me the inestimable value of these years, when our children need so much from us, and are willing to hug us in public. I need to stop the madness. By slowing down I just might be able to coax time into matching my pace.

Like me, your child will peer in your eyes for signs of attention, to make sure you are dialed in. You know it's impossible to fool her, yet you persist. If you're thinking about a client, or the bills, or how to prioritize to make more time to spend with her, she will know. And it will make her sad. And eventually, if you do it enough, she just might tune you out, or stop believing you when you say, "Just five minutes. I only need to... and then I'll... I promise."

Slow down. But keep on moving. Schedule your time if you have to, at least until you can be trusted to your own devices. Write a list of everything you need to accomplish, followed by things you desperately want to accomplish to meet your personal, family, creative, or professional goals. Fit it in; make it work. This is not a new concept: if something is sucking your time and not fostering your spirit, your family, or your goals, put it in the "when I have extra time" pile. And do make that pile. It's the only way you'll allow yourself to put it aside. And over time if it turns out that you don't have extra time, let it go.

Check things off. With two small children at home, I have to snatch time for my personal and creative goals when I can. Therefore, it makes sense for me to schedule small blocks of daily time, with no set hours, to accomplish my writing and networking goals. Half hour of commenting on blogs, check. Half hour of social networking, check. Half an hour of writing, check. Perhaps I will create recurring tasks on Outlook and check them off after they are accomplished.

If you don't set time limits for yourself and your children are good nappers, most likely each of those half hours will turn into many hours, and you'll still end up feeling as though you accomplished nothing. By physically checking off items on our daily schedules, we build our self-confidence and self-trust. We take back control over our lives.

I'm  hoping that I will be able to render my childrens' time with me more fulfilling, tackle my personal obligations, and still honor my writing goals to my satisfaction. By slowing down and focusing my full attention on my babies or the task at hand to the highest degree possible, I'm hoping I will feel less divided and frazzled, that much closer to my children and to whom I want to become.

Moms: Don't Get Sick!

Image by cutglassdecanter via Flickr

It finally happened - this thing I'd been dreading since becoming a mother. It didn't ask me first. There was no pleasant tea and biscuit-riddled discussion circle. It came and took me with the force of 1,000 body snatchers. It was more ghastly than watching John Basedow tongue-kiss Rosie O'Donnell at a People for the Ethical Treatment of Pond Scum meeting, more beastly and efficient than a rogue lop-eared Romulan with an axe to grind and a faltering emotional filter. It was, and ever-so-slightly-still-is, the stomach flu.

But at least it's over. Almost. For years now I've been heeding warnings from my friends with small children. Pasty-faced and earnest, boxes of Dayquil clutched to their breasts with trembling, near-licentious passion, they graciously offer sentiments like, "Dooon't geeet *cough* siiiick!"

"It's not worth it," one said.

"An impossibility," countered another, shaking her head a little too fast for a little too long.

"Don't let it happen," croaked a third, clutching my shirt and breathing the words into my face, spattling germ-ridden particles into my nose and mouth before loosening her grip to hug herself, rocking slightly as her eyes glazed over like those of a dead shark.

I had been living in fear for far too long. Alas, no longer! The barbarian came and attacked; it hit me over the head with a club of agony and pain and rendered me virtually incapable of caring for my children for a small time, one of my worst fears, forcing the issue and making it necessary for me to ask for... oh God I can't even say it, okay I'll say it, to ask for help.

Firstly, please know that I realize how lucky I am to only have contracted this sickness when so many more horrific and impossible ones exist, and that I have people to turn to for help. So many single and military moms out there don't have any recourse, and must suffer through the completely debilitating initial phase of the stomach flu in the fetal position while their children cry next to them, somehow mustering the strength to creep finger-over-finger into the kitchen and get their little ones the oral nourishment they require.

I have my own mother, who is suffering from a lingering sickness herself, renewed this morning, forcing her to call me for jello and ice chips, and most likely meaning that we will have to put off our move, which frustrates me to no end as I'm desperate to get this show on the road and it seems beyond reason that the universe is trying to pin us here indefinitely. (No, I don't blame you, Mom. No, I don't blame you, Mom. No, I don't blame you, Mom. I am not an awful person who would blame her Mom for something she can not help. I'm not. I'm not.) Still, she was able to come over at just the right time and do what she could for part of the day, make the jello and pudding we would all feast upon, and put the kids to sleep at bedtime. Thank you, Mom. It made all the difference in the world.

I have my husband Dennis, who was unable to leave work early in the morning due to a responsibility that could not be covered by another. I detected the strain in his voice when I asked, as he knew it was unobtainable, but so wanted to be here to help me. Bless him, he managed to leave at 11:30 and pick up some medicine for my mom and myself, along with organic lemon-lime soda. Then, upon being home for a mere couple of hours, he was promptly taken ill and proceeded to vomit like a mad cow well into the evening.

I have my stepson Brian, who may or may not be the culprit who brought the foul brute of a sickness into our home on Christmas, but suffers the guilt as though he's sure of it, who was more than willing to assist, but had to work. He did come over yesterday, bless his big fat heart, to help with the kids while his father and I did our best to recover.

And, of course, there are my babies - Joe and Lily. Lily has been sick for days now, the poor thing, vomiting and uncomfy. It is so hard to watch such a small, beautiful thing in so much discomfort, and not be able to make it better for her. We tried baths, snuggling, and extended bouts of nursing. To be fair, I did the nursing, Dennis did the bathing. Just when it appeared as though she might be feeling better, my sweet angel would upchuck in her crib. This is a nasty, barbarous illness. If Lily is not fully herself today I am going to fashion a goat out of her pain and kick it in the ding ding. Then slap it.

So far, and I'm afraid to even talk about it lest I should awaken fate, Joe has remained his healthy, vigorously perky self.

Now I am in a position to pass the baton of warning to other new moms. Face it: You can't get sick! Long gone are the days when you could convalesce in the comfort of your bed after being stricken by a bug, snoozing at will, watching "What's Happening!" reruns, and perhaps even catching up on your reading. Not only will you not be allowed the sanctity of your recovery time, you will most likely be called to duty. Others in your family will probably be taken ill, if they are not ill already, and they will need you to muster whatever strength you can find to tend to them. And you will do it, no matter how ill, because love, my friends, is the most powerful force in the universe.

Time, love and ice chips will make it all better. Just don't let it happen again! :wink:

Places not to put your Diet Coke

In your freezer. xD

All I Want for Christmas is...

[caption id="attachment_2115" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="My Christmas angel from Grandma"][/caption]

My brother wowed my mother and I today with a comment to her upon receiving our gift packages and placing the presents under his tree...

"...It's so nice to finally have some presents under the tree. Christmas trees are like houses, they need presents under them just like houses need people to shelter."

There is something beautiful about a house, a tree, a person coming to full glory in the realization of their true purpose. Something can be beautiful - an empty house, a Christmas tree standing alone in the corner of a well-decorated room, without being truly alive.

This brings to mind The Velveteen Rabbit, and how he became real upon being loved, needed, and eroded to a sloppy state by hugs and tears.

It is the time of year for Christmas and Hanukkah. So many of us are suffering a gut-wrenching sadness and sense of failure at our inability to present a suitable picture of ourselves, and of our families, to the world. Shouldn't we be perfectly coiffed, our beaming and well-groomed children in our laps, on the Christmas and holiday cards that we mailed out a week ago? Cards that are meant to include lengthy, hand-written sentiments to everyone who cares about us or has done us a nicety or provided a service to us during this past year? Shouldn't the perfect gift to them soon follow? The one that is both needed and appreciated? The one that makes the receiver well with emotion upon realizing that we have come to know who they truly are on the inside, all they mean to us, and the depth of our feelings for them? Followed by organic vegan fudge?

Don't they deserve this? If we do not deliver, aren't we slighting them in a way that will permanently damage their ability to give and receive love?

I used to believe that. Christmas, once my favorite time of the year, was becoming reduced to a time of immeasurable stress and unattainable self-imposed expectations. It got worse after I had children. I lost my head and bought Joe a ton of gifts last year, more than we could afford. A video game unit for the television. A tricycle that he wasn't yet able to ride. More, more and more. He, of course, was overwhelmed and had a hard time focusing. I think he spent most of his time hiding and playing in an empty box.

This year I have been dealing with the same stress, sadness and guilt, compounded by our impending move to Texas. We made the decision not to fully decorate so we didn't have to worry about packing everything right before the move. The other day I was sorting through our 30,001 bins of Christmas things, setting aside as many items as I could bear to part with for charity. The new sights and pretty things to touch inspired Joe to spring to life in a way I hadn't seen him do all year. At one point he even ran to the table and pronounced, "I love you, Mommy." Words I desperately wanted to hear, and so rarely get to hear, from my beloved son. I've waited my whole life to be able to share my love of Christmas with my children. Joe is finally ready to get into it, and we have to deprive him this year. Oh, I can barely stand it.

[caption id="attachment_2116" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="No, they aren't allowed to touch the outlets"][/caption]

But that night as I saw Joe and Lily giggling and batting around cheap garlands and shiny bows saved from Christmases past, I realized that they don't know or care about the Grinch ornaments I won't be putting out this year, or the angel candle I have been lugging around since childhood. They just like bright, shiny things. A little tree from Fresh and Easy, wrapped with disposable garlands and a string of lights, topped by the one thing I allowed myself not to pack and placed on the top of the tree by my husband in a fit of clairvoyance no doubt, the angel crocheted by my late and much beloved Grandma, is all they need. We will put two or three age-appropriate non-mechanical toys under the tree, and I am now fully confident that they will be delighted come Christmas morning.

What they are really wanting, more than age-appropriate gifts or Christmas cookies, is a smiling Mommy and happy Daddy to roll around on the floor with them, read them books and share fond memories. I will be working on shedding layers of stress and false ideas in the coming days so that I may provide them with the gift they are wanting from me both this year, and in the coming years when we are not moving, and are tempted to overdo things. I wasn't able to do it for myself, but I'll be damned if I'm not going to get myself together in time to do it for them. To finally pull that off is all I want for Christmas this year.

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On a side note, my Mom emailed me a TIME article about the Top 10 Dubious Toys around this Christmas and Hanukkah season.

The American Girl Co. has caused an uproar with the release of its limited-edition Gwen doll, who's cute and cuddly and also happens to be homeless. TIME takes a look at some other toys that have made jaws drop.

If you have time and the interest to read it, please share your thoughts in the comments area below. I'm very interested in your take on the state of the toy world. Have a wonderful day and please... go easy on yourself this month. Peace be with you.

Goodyear Great Songs of Christmas

Am I the only one who is nutty about the old Goodyear Tire & Rubber Great Songs of Christmas albums from the 1960's? Volume 6, pictured below, is a favorite of mine from my childhood. I found it on eBay and snapped it up like a doughnut-shaped chocolate morsel. I like some of the new "classics" as well, like "All I Want For Christmas is You" by Mariah Carey, "Christmas Wrapping" by The Waitresses, U2's "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)" and "Last Christmas" by Wham!, but the older ones invade my physical senses and transport me back to the time when Christmas was achingly magical and special.



I took this photo of Goodyear Great Songs of Christmas Volume 6 (1966) back in 2005. (Can you believe that was almost five years ago? Nuts.) Here's the song list. My favorite Christmas song, "O Holy Night" is not represented here, but there are some goodies. Is it just me, or is it not Christmas without The Mormon Tabernacle Choir and Babs, a nice Jewish lady, singing "Ave Maria"?

01 Barbra Streisand - Silent Night

02 Andy Williams - Do You Hear What I Hear?

03 Johnny Mathis - The Christmas Song

04 The King Family - The Holiday of Love/Caroling, Caroling

05 Pablo Casals - Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring

06 The King Family - O Little Town of Bethlehem/It Came Upon A Midnight Clear

07 Jan Peerce - O Come All Ye Faithful

08 Barbra Streisand - Ave Maria (Bach-Gounod)

09 Ray Conniff - Frosty the Snowman 10 New Christy Minstrels - We Need A Little Christmas

11 Steve Lawrence - Let It Snow

12 Ray Conniff - Hark, the Herald Angels Sing

13 Jan Peerce - Noel Nouvelet

14 Mormon Tabernacle Choir - March of the Kings

15 Mormon Tabernacle Choir - Deck the Hall

16 Bing Crosby - White World of Winter

17 New Christy Minstrels - Il Est Ne

18 Mormon Tabernacle Choir - Still, Still, Still

19 Mahalia Jackson - Away In A Manger

20 Ray Conniff - We Wish You A Merry Christmas

Edited to add:

For Jena: (No time is the wrong time to fall on your knees and hear the Angel voices.) :)

Black Friday Cyber Monday Sale List!

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Sketchers

Twilight Craft Ideas from Cut Out and Keep!

Image by Katie Freeland via Flickr

Cut Out and Keep is a wonderful community where members can make and share step-by-step craft tutorials. They have a whole section dedicated to Twilight Craft Ideas. At this printing, 77 projects and counting.

Daily Journaling for Children

What do we all think about the idea of creating journals for our toddlers and preschool-aged children or grandchildren?

From the AARP article "Start a Tradition With Your Grandchildren",

The Write Impression: Dahlia Duran, Oak Brook, Ill., one grandchild
I started a journal for my four-year-old grandson even though he can't write yet. When I sleep over, I ask him what he would like to remember about his day when he grows up, such as events that took place at his preschool. I write down his answer and he draws a picture on the following page. He loves it! I thought this was a good way to get him to tell me about his day, and when he's older and learns to write, he can take over the journal.

My dear sweet Mother emailed that blurb to me the other day (thanks, Mom!) and I had one of those a-ha moments one experiences in the face of a simple but brilliant idea.

As part of our nighttime routine with Joseph, while I am nursing and rocking and reading to Lily, Dennis reads to him and plays with him for a bit. Then it's my turn to read to Joe and and attempt to cuddle him while he pushes me away and climbs on my back and tries to "ride" me. That would be a perfect time to ask him about the day. I would put his words on one page, and let him draw on the right side of the page, then read to him. If he ended up getting too wound-up by this activity, I would move it to the time after lunch, just before nap time. Then, when he is older, I could ask the questions and he could fill in the answers himself. Eventually, hopefully, he would want to do it on his own, and learn to take refuge in his journal, to share his joys, or unburden himself, whichever the day should call for.

I don't think it matters if we use expensive journals or reasonably priced notepads. I just think it matters that we do it. What a wonderful gift to give our children. The gift of self-expression. And I know for certain that they would cherish these journals in their later years, as would their children and grandchildren. Perhaps it will even become a family tradition.

We will start today. :)

Healthy Eating for Toddlers

Wednesday on Facebook, I admitted the following:

How do you get your toddlers to eat vegetables? I dropped the ball with Joe and got lazy, leading with a poor example, and now he refuses to eat almost everything good for him.

My wonderful friends were kind enough to chime in with some fabulous, creative suggestions. I am sharing them here at Happymaking so that others may benefit from their experience as well. I will only use their first names for privacy reasons. I linked the bloggers' names to their blogs.

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• Amber: mix them into the food they already eat. there are a few "sneaky cook" recipe books. one is by seinfeld's wife. I think...


• Kelly: There are so many other ways to get kids to get their veggie intake. V8 fusion is awesome! They make so many flavors that its hard to pass up. Also, make eating the foods fun... if you can, cut them in their favorite shapes, mix them in with other foods they like....


• David: Armed coercion.


• Mike: I believe you have to start early to make it easy... don't introduce McDonald's to them till they can at least ask you to go there... and be a good example, and have the veggies around so they can snack on them. Baby carrots are a favorite at my house for veggies... And also don't forget about all the veggies you eat now... like probably in pizzas and in salsa and other Mexican foods for example.

My response: Amber, that is a good idea, I forgot about that technique. I do want to get Joe to get excited about some veggies though, without having to hide them. Is that possible? lol At least I am on a good start with Lily, she's just had breast milk and home cooked stuff. Joe does drink v-8 fusion and get a daily vitamin.
I should definitely try the fun shapes, thank you Kelly!
David, I'm feeling that. Water pistol warfare at the dinner table. Maybe I could squirt some liquified peas into his mouth.

• Niki: Dips are fun for kids too - give him a little bowl of ranch or something.


• David: The power of rice compels you! The power of rice compels you!

My response: Thank you Mike. I already screwed up on the McDonalds thing. I really dropped the ball with Joe after I had Lily. I need to get him back on track. I just worry about raw veggies as a choking hazard. I don't eat them myself for that reason. I LOVE the pizza idea, but Joe won't even eat pizza! Can you believe that? Dang, now I want some salsa and spinach enchiladas. Wonder if he would try that.

Niki, you're right. He does like condiments. Does your little one eat carrots and celery? I need to check at what age it's okay to do that. The guilt is consuming me, as it should.

David, LOL!!! You know, that kind of stuff might work! He does love drama.

• Niki: Audrey eats carrots. I think she's tried celery. Corn is her favorite. Green Giant has frozen veggies that are breaded and you bake them - I forget what they are called, but she will nibble on those too. Probably 'cause they look like a chicken nugget.


• Kelly: They are called corn nuggets..... at least the corn ones!!You have to capitalize on what he does like..... then invent from there. Have him help you make it, shop for it, get him involved in the entire process.....I also used a form of bribery.... when I went to the store, I would give my kids a set amount. If they spent a certain amount of healthy food, I would let them use their last dollar to buy whatever they wanted.


• David: Corn nuggets sound like shit. Not like they taste bad. Like a euphemism for shit. Don't feed that to children.


• Karen: Jourdan is two and sometimes he likes things and sometimes he does not. For the longest time he hated mac and cheese, now he loves my home made version and I can sneak pureed carrots in it or whatever. I found what helps him to be motivated is letting him "help" prepare something and now he has a drawer of his dishes so he can choose a plate to eat on. I make a homemade chicken noodle soup that I add some veggies to, this seems to help as well. Maybe you could get Joe a fun apron to help or let him choose his dish or stir something to motivate him. I'm really lucky Jourdan doesn't know about McDonalds yet, except when we share a soft serve. I agree with Kelly- the V8 does help too.


• Jeannee: There are a couple of books out on this, one by Jerry Seinfeld's wife - unfortunately I cannot remember her name!, but if you go to a good book store and say, "Yeah - that book Jerry Seinfeld's wife wrote, on getting your toddler to eat veggies --" that should do it!

My response: You have all been so helpful and inspiring. I'm feeling really encouraged by all of these great ideas. So much so that I'd like to share them in a blog post. I will only use your first names. If you don't want me to copy and paste your comments please let me know and I will leave yours out. (And no, I didn't ask the question to get you to answer for blog fodder. I really need help with this. I just think your answers will help other people as well cause y'all are so awesome.)

Niki & Kelly, those corn nuggets sound fantastic! (LOL David.) Of course it's all I can do to get Joe to eat a chicken nugget even.
Karen, you are right about that. My Mom is really good about having Joe cook with her. He loves it and he is more likely to eat if he was involved in the preparation. I don't like to cook though, so I usually just want to get it over with as fast as possible. I need to do it for him, though because it's so important.

• Mel: Gabe LOVES to dip. He dips cukes in ranch (and sometimes ketchup ick) and I let him. I'm also a huge casserole maker so there are veggies mixed into them and he usually eats them. Otherwise I don't give him another option, he won't starve himself.


• Bridgitte: by force!


• Kelly: True, only teenagers are truley stubborn enough to go to bed hungry!


• Rachel: Good question...I think it is a game of luck.


• Tami: Trader Joes has this fruit/veggi blend that is like a puree. Harrison loves it and it provides 2 servings I think...


• Brandon: Dip them in chocolate.


• Dawn: What's your goal? You COULD sneak in the veggies using purees and whatnot, if you're concerned about nutrition. But I bet you could also get him to learn to love veggies if you are persistent enough.My ideas in a nutshell...serve them at each meal, eat them yourself, try all kinds of varieties, try stir-fried/steamed/raw versions, provide low-fat/low-sugar dipping options, and try letting him help prepare them.


• Kate: We used flat-out bribery and torture: brought our daughter to Chuck E Cheese, sat her on the inside of the booth, and ordered a pizza with various veggies (at that point, she wouldn't even eat red sauce, much less things like olives and peppers and mushrooms, etc). Served her a slice, and with a big grin announced, "As soon as you're done, we'll ... Read Morego on the rides!"Not only did she snarf it right down, with enthusiasm, but it created a positive association with pizza in her little brain... and you can put darn near anything on pizza.
  
  

My response: The goal, Dawn, heart of my heart, is to get him to actually eat healthy food. I can introduce it, but I can't force it down his gullet. I don't want him to get it all by trickery, I want him to learn that veggies are good & okay to eat.

Kate, that's a good idea! lol But he won't eat pizza anymore!! He is so stubborn I know he'd prefer to leave Chuck E Cheese rather than give in.

I got some really good advice via email from my cousin Gina who has four wonderful kids - I'll share it in the blog post. We can do zis!!! :)

• Gina's email: Well since you asked… and this is a topic near and dear to my heart. Kids and food.
  I have seen more control struggles between parent and child on this issue than any other (Nope, not even potty training comes close!).
  
  I can offer some general meal advice that might help with the veggie thing – and you are already SO RIGHT when you acknowledged that setting the example is an important part of solving the problem. Family dinners are your best tool here.
  And no that does not mean cooking every single night (as if I ever did that) – but still trying to maintain that family dinner “setting” where you are all sitting down to the same meal (high chair pulled right up to the table with the rest of you).
  Even if you are all pulling up to the same meal at the coffee table in the family room or a fast food restaurant! Home cooked or take-out. WHATEVER.
  
  I think it helped that Butch and I never did the "kids meal" vs "adult meal" at our house. From the time the kids were past the baby food/allergy testing stage - we served the kids whatever we were eating (always making sure there was at least one thing I knew all of the kids liked, typically wheat rolls and butter).
  Yeah this is the part where you Heather, get to set the example of serving and eating a variety of healthy foods. OH GOODIE!!
  
  We steadily built their trust that if they TRIED a food and declared it “yucky” we would NEVER make them finish it. We'd just say – “Well maybe next time you try it you will like it. Mommy used to think macaroni and cheese was yucky too, but I kept trying a taste and then one day I liked it!”
  (Ummmmm, true story. My mom totally traumatized me as a child when she told me I HAD to hush up and eat my macaroni and cheese after I told her I didn’t like it (too rich for me). I subsequently threw up in it and had to sit there looking at it until she noticed. That one episode totally shaped my ENTIRE approach to food/meals as a Mother/Teacher. Thankfully my mom felt guilty and never put a plate of it in front of me again, but I personally didn’t eat mac and cheese again until I was well into in my 30’s!!)
  
  Sure there were PLENTY of nights that one P. kid or another would eat only rolls and butter – and as long as they had at least tried everything else – they could have seconds or even thirds on whatever they did like. And, they still heard lots of praise for TRYING everything. I’d toss them a Flintstones vitamin with a glass of milk and call it a day.
  
  We would not provide them the option of an alternate meal. We simply said “This is what’s for dinner tonight – try a taste of it all, eat the parts you like and leave the parts you don’t like on your plate. All very matter of fact and RELAXED. Of course I would preface with, “Mommy made us something for dinner that my Nana used to make me when I was little, I can’t wait for you to try it. I think it is super good! (or something like that).
  
  And, I always kept bananas in the house in case any of the kids were terribly starving before bedtime (did not typically happen). But I never did give them a connection between the two, for example by saying ‘You can have a banana later if you are hungry.” Because I suspected if I did, that at times they would have held out for that banana!
  
  When they were really little, still building their trust, I would say “I’ll try it first.” and then I’d pretend I didn’t like it (lots of giggles here from the kids) then I’d say “I don’t have to eat this now, I’ll try it again another day.” Then I say, “Your turn – do YOU like it?” Sometimes they actually DID like it. Other times it was BARELY a taste before they were gagging and saying “I don’t like it.” No matter – I just stayed chill and said if you don’t like it you don’t have to eat it (even though what I really wanted to say was “Oh give me a break you really didn’t even try it!!”)
  
  As they got older, we taught them to be discreet about what they didn’t like as a way to be respectful towards the efforts of the cook. Just try it, then push it aside and don’t make a big deal out of it.
  
  As for the problem of REPEAT yucky foods:
  For example, JT didn’t like green beans. Period. So whenever we had them for dinner he would take a very small “No thank-you helping” on his plate so that he could give them a taste to see if he had grown to like them yet. That way when he declared they were still not his thing, it wasn’t a big waste of food.
  (We called it a “no thank-you helping” as our way of trying something respectfully that we were pretty sure we would not like)
  “Well JT?” “Nope, I still don’t like them.” “Okay, take a drink of milk, swish out the green bean taste and try that yummy lasagna” (the one with the hidden zucchini inside of it – bah ha ha ha ha!).
  
  (and yes, JT did eventually grow to voluntarily eat them – still not his favorite veggie – but if that is all there is, he will load up on them)
  
  Oh yeah, and from the time they were between 2 and 3 years old, I let them serve themselves, as much as possible. I would let them spoon their own helpings onto their plates – which was especially important with the “no thank-you helpings”.
  
  Some meals I still used sippy cups, but for other times, I got a few small pitchers from the dollar store and used some small juice glasses for the kids (you know, the old school little jelly jar type with the small circumference. Perfect for little hands to get around). I would put a SMALL amount of milk in the pitcher and let them pour it themselves.
  
  I promise Heather, times a few hundred toddlers, that a child this age CAN pour their own drink and drink it without a spout – just keep a towel handy and use small amounts of liquid. If they spilled they had to get the towel and clean it up. Again, no stress just “Ooops, you need to go get the towel and clean that up.” Two spills at one meal and they were all done with that beverage (because once JT and Drew figured out that spills were such fun).
  
  I also did “sneak” veggies into meals SEVERAL times a week because I actually DID want them to ingest veggies while we were going thru the trust building “you don’t have to eat it stage”.
  Zucchini chopped fine and put into lasagna. Spinach in the lasagna too.
  “Magic” yummy cheese sprinkles on the broccoli and cauliflower.
  You know stuff like that.
  Google “hiding veggies from kids” – so many great ideas!
  
  Also, we’d have salad with just about every dinner, even with other veggies. I let them pick out whatever they didn’t like from the salad (tomatoes!) and let them pick their own dressing (ranch being a favorite, followed closely by Italian).
  
  Also you could ask them “How do you think we could make these green beans taste like something you might like?” (That’s how I found out Drew would eat them if he could have a puddle of ketchup to dip them in!)
  As they get older, letting them help prepare and cook the meals helps towards this end.
  
  So, I only have my four kids as an example – but once the trust was there – my kids would try absolutely ANYTHING. There were many things over the years they didn’t like, but they kept on trying and usually they did grow to like them (and some things they just never did care for, but to this day, they are open to trying it again).
  
  I’d say that by the time they were 5 years old they would eat a variety of foods most 5 year olds wouldn’t touch.
  By 10 – people were astounded by what my kids were willing to try – and also eat!
  
  So it’s not just about veggies – it’s about variety! And a willingness to experience new foods – or the same foods cooked different ways.
  Just remember that if we go to a restaurant for dinner and order something we have never had, try it, and find it not to our liking – we are FREE from having to eat it. Do that for your kids and the world will be their oyster on a half shell!
  Which by the way – Rachel just tried those when we took our Route 1 trip this summer – she likes them with a bit of cocktail sauce and a saltine! Me, I tried them (again) even though in the past I have not cared for them – and guess what, I still don’t care for them. Maybe next time.

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Thank you so much to all of my wonderful friends for sharing your experience so that all of our kiddos may be healthier and happier. :)

Creative inspiration takes flight at the Kephart compound

The other day the kids and I were playing with those funky little comb toys that stick together (I know, I know, my son will grow up thinking everything is called "that thing" "the stuff" or "that whatchamacallit over there by the deal") and I thought, "Why not make this an educational moment?" Yes, Gina, I realize that pretty much all moments are educational moments, but I mean like a REALLY educational moment that involves like, LETTERS and stuff like that for the improvement of the stuff in that thing. (The brain.)
So I thought, "Why not start out with a 'J' and teach Joe how to spell his name?" I poked my tongue out and, with the intense focus of a surgeon, after a mere fifteen minutes I had managed to craft a semblance of a "J" impressive enough to be called "a-h-rt". Damn, I'm good.

[caption id="attachment_1093" align="alignnone" width="300" caption="Backwards J"][/caption]

But hmm, something seems wrong here. Joe said, "Ohh, a J...", so I could tell his toddler brain was soaking up the lesson. A-ha! I've got it! I think "J" 's are supposed to face the other way! More like this...

[caption id="attachment_1096" align="alignnone" width="199" caption="The Letter J"][/caption]

There, that's better. :-D (As you can see, Miss Lily is oh-so-impressed by her Mommy's teaching abilities.) And while we're at it why not strategically place one more little plastic comb thingy dealmabob on the long part of the stuff and really hit this "J" thing out of the ballpark?!?

[caption id="attachment_1098" align="alignnone" width="199" caption="Capital J Alphabet Toys"][/caption]

Perfect! Joe and Lily were really impressed as well.

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Emboldened by my giant leap forward in the field of educational play, yesterday I decided to further enrich my childrens' lives with some holiday crafting fun in the form of rice art.

What you will need:
Construction Paper
Elmer's Glue
Rice (the cheaper the better!)

Here's the idea. Whip out a sheet of construction paper. Feel proud that you remembered to purchase construction paper the other day to have on hand for these brilliant bursts of creative recollection*. (*I can't say inspiration as I saw this technique demonstrated while web surfing the other day.) Whip out your glue and draw something.

In spirit of the upcoming Halloween holiday I chose to draw a spiderweb, although I find spiders to be vile, venemous little freaks of nature.

[caption id="attachment_1100" align="alignnone" width="300" caption="Halloween Kid Crafts Spiderweb"][/caption]

Yes, I realize spiderwebs are not square. Err... I realize that now. Work with me here. Then gently place rice on your drawing, covering all of the glue. I mean just blanket that sucker. Overdo it. This is where a lot of the fun is!

[caption id="attachment_1101" align="alignnone" width="300" caption="Halloween Craft Rice Art"][/caption]

At this point, take a moment to sprinkle rice upon your child's noggin in the manner of gentle rain. Wonder if you should feel guilty about this, then shake it off and move on.

[caption id="attachment_1102" align="alignnone" width="300" caption="Fun With Babies"][/caption]

Gently pick up the construction paper and dump the excess rice back into your rice container, and viola! Rice art!

[caption id="attachment_1104" align="alignnone" width="300" caption="Halloween Kids Craft Spiderweb"][/caption]

Joe & Lily had fun with their own creations. :)

[caption id="attachment_1105" align="alignnone" width="300" caption="Joe the craft kid"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1106" align="alignnone" width="225" caption="Joe rice art"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1107" align="alignnone" width="300" caption="Lily baby crafting"][/caption]

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Later in the day Joe had a little burst of creative inspiration of his own. We left him in the bathroom to bask in the afterglow of pooping on the big boy toilet (YAY!!!), but I soon realized that it had grown quiet, too quiet, in there. I opened the door and...

[caption id="attachment_1108" align="alignnone" width="225" caption="Joe's panty liner art"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1109" align="alignnone" width="225" caption="Joe's panty liner exhibit"][/caption]

There are but a few moments in my life that have driven me to stunned silence. This was one of them.

Happy Friday! Wishing you a great weekend! Huggles, Heather xo

Does Motherhood Make Us Bossy?

I've never been bossy.

I can distinctly remember several times when, as a girl, my Mom took one playmate or another aside and lectured her about bossing me around. Nobody's Mom ever took me aside and gave me the bossy girl lecture. In retrospect my Mom has mentioned quite a few times that she wishes she'd let me handle my own problems more often as a child, but that's another issue. (There are many, many issues.)

I've always been a sidekick, an appendage.

Until I became a Mother.

I don't know what did it. It could have been the complete exhaustion. Or the full arms. Or the ever-present current of panic and drama tinged with love and responsibility. All the forces of nature came at me in just the right quantities and suddenly I was *gasp* asking for help. (Can you believe that? I know, it's so unlike me.)

I was pointing, pleading, prodding. Phrases like "Honey, can you grab me a towel?" were reverberating off of my lips in such an inexcusably smooth manner that I began to wonder what sort of monster I'd have turned out to be had I birthed my first child at a sensibly young age.

The other day when my stepson Brian was over I asked my husband if he wouldn't be more comfortable in a pair of shorts and held them up for his consideration. He retaliated with, "You're not the boss of me, Devil Woman!" and a sideways conspiratorial grin at Brian.

Have I taken things too far?

I don't want to become like Kate Gosselin who publicly berated her imbecilic husband Jon (Why not John? But that's another issue.) on a routine basis. I refuse to give in to the temptation to martyr myself, and then lash out at my husband for not anticipating and undertaking what I needed him to be doing at the exact second and in the manner I thought best.

I say "Please?" a lot. And "Would you mind...", "Since you're over there, do you think you can...". I wince. I overcompensate.

Men have no clue what help we want and need. Yes, to us it seems flagrantly obvious, but to our guys it would be insulting for them to insinuate us to that we don't have things perfectly in hand. Or they've attempted to anticipate our needs and crashed and burned so many times that they're afraid to even try anymore. Or perhaps they're just as exhausted as we are. Or feeling lazy that day.

Should any Dads be reading this, please know that we won't be insulted, and we think it's refreshingly cute when you try to help but miss the mark. We catalog. We remember. We appreciate. We understand . We love.

And we know that you do too. ♥

My Apology to Stay at Home Moms

Originally posted by me at my iVillage Expecting Club shortly after I gave birth to my son Joseph 12/06. I'm keeping it here so I never forget how very wrong I can be about something so very important.

OK I admit it now. Before I had Joseph I used to secretly bemoan all the "whining" moms did. I work full time and I used to get irritated when I heard or read moms complaining about how difficult it is to be a SAHM. I figured - oh sure, many have to work a full 8 hour day, commute, AND do everything you do. I thought they should perhaps consider themselves lucky that they have the choice to stay at home with their babies/kids and quit complaining.

I apologize. I was wrong. I had no idea how difficult the job is.

Don't get me wrong - I've never been happier or more fulfilled. I've never known love so great or strong, nor have I felt the tug of the biological pull that draws me to my son like a magnet and makes me cry so often tears of joy when I see him, hear him, smell him or think of him. My life has been better each and every day since he was born into this world, and I know things will get even better with the passage of time.

But sheeeeeeeeeeeeeyiht! This job never ends! I find myself thinking and saying all of the phrases I've heard and read before and suddenly they make perfect sense. If you haven't been there, you simply can't know. You don't get to step down from "high alert" for one second of the day because your baby might need you. You don't look forward to sleep because you know you won't be getting any. You can't enjoy going out at night and unwinding (aka drinking) because you know you won't be sleeping that night and it will just make things harder on you and your baby. You don't get to schedule your day (or your baby's day) anymore. You TRY. But it doesn't work. You need to learn to do the best you can but leave time and room in your temperament for flexibility. You learn to survive in what feels like a different dimension of an alternate universe due to the complete and total mental and physical exhaustion you feel. Sometimes you sob for 1/2 hour straight because you are trying to take out the trash and wipe the counter because you are expecting company and your baby is crying and it tears at your heart and no matter what you do you can't comfort him. Sometimes you have to just accept that you will not be able to get a darn thing "done" that day besides tend to your baby and see that his needs are met and that he is safe and feels loved.

And then your baby smiles at you. One of those big toothless grins that makes time stop and it feels as though there are sugar-winged butterflies tickling your heart. You sit back with a tear and a smile and hold your baby for a few minutes until you notice another sensation - your stomach is rumbling because you haven't eaten yet today and you don't see that happening any time soon unless you can scrounge up a breakfast bar or a banana.

Moms, if hats didn't make my big fat head look even bigger and fatter I would wear one just so I could tip it to you. Though sometimes you feel inadequate, lonely and unappreciated you put on a smile for your young one(s) and you don't ever give up because you know there isn't anything more important or fulfilling that you could be doing at that moment. You are the essence of the divine.

Why not try some washable fingerpaints?

A couple of weeks ago I printed out a recipe for washable fingerpaints from one of my favorite family lifestyle blogs, Flipflops & Applesauce.

2 Tablespoons sugar
1/3 cup cornstarch
2 cups water
1/4 cup dishwashing soap
food coloring
Put the sugar and cornstarch in a saucepan and then slowly mix in cold water. Cook the mixture over low heat for 5-10 minutes, stirring constantly until you have a smooth gel. Let this cool and then add dishwashing soap. Divide into as many containers as you would like colors and then mix in food coloring drops until you have you desired color.

Yesterday I was able to summon the wherewithall to actually attempt the project. I located a smock for Joe Joe that I had purchased before he was born, slapped it on him, and went to town.

I mixed up the sugar water and corn starch and set it on the stove to low heat. I stirred. And I stirred. Then I stirred some more. Then I got bored and went in to check on email. Five minutes later I returned to see that the mixture had gotten all gloppy and bubbly! I stirred again like a madwoman and got the consistency evened out. It looked sort of like Vaseline.



Since this was my first attempt at making washable fingerpaints, and well, I haven't tried anything crafty in ages, I decided to keep it simple and stick with two colors—red and green. I halved the batch into two Glad sandwich size plastic containers and brought it out to Joe Joe who had been patiently waiting for me. Then I realized I forgot to put the soap in, so I took everything back into the kitchen and put it back into the sauce pan and added the soap. Stir stir stir, back into the plastic containers and back out to Joe Joe who was giving me that big blue-eyed deer in the headlights look.

I took out the green dye. I dripped it into one of the containers. Joe went "Wow!". Suddenly he was engaged and enthralled. He of course wanted to try dripping and stirring so, like a fool, I let him.



He ended up with green dye all over his fingers, his face, his hair, and got it on his chair. All in the span of about ten seconds. After doing the same with the red dye, I gently ripped the food coloring out of his tiny little chubby hand and took it inside and out of harm's way. This set Joe to bawling. Next time I'll perform the dye procedure before presenting the paints to him. Live and learn. Who knew a toddler would be most attracted to the messiest aspect of the project?



I'll bet this type of thing never happens to the lady over at Flipflops and Applesauce!!!

Poor little Joe, I came back out, having remembered to grab some printer paper, and put it in front of him. I dabbed some green paint with my finger and put it on the paper in the shape of a glump of goo. Joe stopped crying. Whew. He played for a little bit, and ended up trying to eat both colors. He was not happy with the taste, but he just couldn't help his little toddler self.



He got bored after about ten minutes so we went to the side yard and I sprayed him and his clothing with a hose. THAT he loved. Until I turned the water off, which set him to bawling again. Fiddly-dee!

I will give this another try in a week or so! Perhaps in the bathtub?