You know how it is.
You accidentally kick out a light bulb while dancing on the ceiling.
Your mini Dachshund rips out an oak tree in the back yard leaving a gaping, potentially dangerous hole.
You drive into a gated community and stop to read a sign on the gate, dumb to the fact that the gate is slowly closing on you, until you shock into life and peel out to the sound of said gate scraping along the side of your van, faintly reminiscent of the Loch Ness Monster being strangled by Mothra.
You fix none of this. You want to. The visual reminders niggle at you every. single. day. But who has the time? The money? The energy?
It's the same for me. I've been letting things slide lately. To be specific, I've been letting myself slide. I haven't been tending to my physical, mental or spiritual fitness. My body is in a state, and it's not one of the cool ones shaped like a boot. Oops, that's Italy.
My hair is in a tizzy, in the mornings slightly frizzy, and way too dark. I look like a vampire with carpet bags under her eyes. My body resembles a hairless older cat sitting atop a bag of battling birds. I'm lethargic. Can't concentrate to save my life. My nails, undone. Toes, unforgivably untended. Spirit, vacant and scooped out by the giant melon baller that is everyday life.
Mismanaged your money and can't pay the auto bill on time? Scoop, splat.
Wondering if you've made a horrible mistake by uprooting part of your family and moving half way across the country? Scoop, splat.
Best friend from back in the day scheduled for neurosurgery in early February with "a good chance of survival"? Scoop, splat. Can't breathe.
I've been spiraling away from the light. I know so many have it so much worse. This isn't about realizing how lucky I am. This is about faith. Faith in the rightness of The Universe. Faith in oneself.
Do I have the ability to put things back the way they ought to be? To scrape my hope and confidence off the sides of the microwave, where they exploded away from me sometime mid-December, and plop them back into the bowl of me?
Like you, I want things to be good. Heck, even great. So I will do it. I'm starting to learn that picking up the pieces of ourselves and having another go at it is a necessary part of life if we want to be whole.
Starting small, of course. I started taking prenatal vitamins again. I bought a horse hair brush to coax my hair into growing. I purchased some grapes, and an eggplant. Eventually I will eat them.
When the weather gets better I will rise with Dennis' alarm and take a bike ride, then come back and shower and put on a nice outfit and full hair and makeup, regardless of my plans for the day or lack of them.
Like a car revving behind the checkered flag, I will be ready.
I will get strong and stay strong because there are so many people I love, and so many I want to love, and there is so much to do.
Those of you who are my friends on Facebook who haven't blocked me out of self-preservation know that I used to post LIVE videos all the time. Now I'm going to inflict them upon you here. Because today is a good day for LIVE.
Operation Spirit
by LIVE
Heard a lot of talk about the ocean
Heard a lot of talk about the sea
Heard a lot of talk about a lot of things
Never meant that much to me
.
Heard a lot of talk about my spirit
Heard a lot of talk about my soul
But I decided that anxiety and pain
Were better friends
So I let it go
.
Did you let it go?
Let's get it back
Let's get it back together
.
Heard a lot of talk about this Jesus
A man of love, and a man of strength
But what a man was two thousand years ago
means nothing at all to me today
.
He could have been telling me about my
higher self
But he only lives inside my prayer
So what he was may have been beautiful
But the pain is right now
And right here
.
Let it go!
Let it go!
Let it go, my friend
And let's get it back
Let's get it back together
