Monday Mischief

Are you feeling tired and defeated this very fine Monday morning? Perhaps you find yourself slumping over your desk, dripping crumbs from your burnt toast out of the corner of your mouth into the guts of your fifteen year old Dell keyboard and wondering...

"Hey! Why am I ploitering at this smelly old desk at this stupid job in my faux-leather Payless Shoe Source footwear next to a mouth-breathing, back-stabbing fussock, when other people who are no smarter than me perch smugly in their fancy schmancy corner offices and fondle their bacculas and stare at their really hot assistants who happily bring them muffins and coffee and don't complain about the fact that indentured servitude is well beneath them?"

It's not just you. You really did get a raw deal. And those other people really are looking down on you. But that doesn't mean you have to bend over and take it like a perma-grinning cymbal monkey. You can fight back in subtle ways.

One way to battle El Jefe is to stuff his in-box with links that, once clicked, will serve the dual purpose of both irritating the crap out of him and annoying the other pent-up puckerbutts in his vicinity. This will effectively red-headed-stepchildify him, dropping him a wee bit closer to your own level of the social stratosphere (rock bottom). You'll probably be fired faster than you can say "case of the Mondays", but it will be well worth it!

Here are some links that will get the job done:

Walama

Most Annoying Noise Ever

Disney Don't Change

Cat on a Keyboard in Space

Elecktronik Supersonik

The Most Annoying Sounds All In One

How IRRITATING! (Do NOT Watch this!)

And an oldie but goodie...  It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time!!!

You will thank me later. Oh and hey - can you bring me a muffin?

This post irritates me

Am I the only one who spends too much time thinking about irritating people and being irritated by it? I don't mean people worthy of being hated — deeply mean people, abusers, etc. Just irritating people.

What irritates us about others is supposed to teach us something about ourselves. What's more irritating than that?

Case in point....

1. Image by sokaris73 via Flickr

   
   Penélope "How you say...?" Cruz. The "Spanish enchantress" exudes a certain, "I'm a little girl and I need you to help me. *pout*" quality that makes my skin crawl. She also apparently inspires me to overuse quotation marks. Unforgivable! Yeah, yeah I can see she's gorgeous but that's beside the point.
   
   Sub-category: Feist's "1234" bugs me for the same reason.
   
2. Agenda Thumpers. People who aren't just passionate about a cause, but consumed by it to the point where it's all they can talk about. They're past the point of listening and reason. Everything is black and white.
   
3. Pompous Elitist Asses. They're better than you and consider it their responsibility to make sure you know it. Get uppity and they'll give you a public lashing so fierce you'll wish you were in diapers.
   
4. People Who See Right Through You. You know these people. They could be the cashier at the supermarket who completely ignores you and talks to the bagger, or the workmate who looks away and hurries past you when you meet him with a direct question.
   
   Sub-category: People who like you in private, but ignore you in public.
   

5. Image via Wikipedia

   
   John Basedow. What is his deal? It's okay to be small, John. You don't need to work out to within one inch of your life, spray-tan and highlight yourself shamelessly.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
6. The kids need me. I reserve the right to add to this list at a later time.
   

I realize you have your own opinions about my irritators. I don't claim to be right or rational. What is simply is and I can't will it not to be so. What am I supposed to learn from all this? Am I like these people? The mere thought of that irritates me to no end.