Picture Book Writing + Twitter = #pblitchat

Image by your neighborhood librarian via Flickr

If you're interested in authoring Children's Picture Books, and chatting with other like-minded folks, I highly recommend that you take advantage of #pblitchat, a weekly chat co-convened by friendly Aussies Karen Collum (@KarenCollum), and Kat Apel (@KatApel).

For details, including chat transcripts, check out:

Picture Books Only: Home of #pblitchat

New home for #pblitchat!

Karen Collum is happy to add you to the #pblitchat news & info mailing list. Just drop her a line: pblitchat@bigpond.com

You may also search twitter for #pblitchat, and add it to your saved searches for easy reference.

Alice Pope: Tweet Roundup

Be sure to check out Alice Pope's Wednesday Tweet Roundup, a bulging bag of goodies for aspiring children's writers. It contains informational links galore, from a virtual treasure trove of quality tweeters. (Be sure to follow them!)

Sample tweet: @srrcolvin: RT @4kidlit Adventures in Children's Publishing: Quirks Are Character Life S.. http://bit.ly/b7DdAw

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You may know Ms. Pope as the former editor of the Children's Writer's & Illustrator's Market. She now authors the fabulous Children's Market Blog at SCBWI.

• Alice Pope on Facebook

• Alice Pope on Twitter

• Alice Pope at JacketFlap

It's hard out here for a pimp

If you're a blogger and you want people to actually read your blog, and you probably do, or maybe you don't, or maybe you do and say you don't or vice-versa, blogging is not enough.

Our blog posts by themselves are but a sneeze on the upturned noggin of Cyberslovokia. If you want to turn the head of Master Internet, Mistress Interweb or Uncle Intergoogle, you also need to develop the skills of a public relations professional slash search engine optimization engineer. (Isn't that how it's listed on Monster daht cawm?) The whole kit and caboodle.

Unfortunately, I don't have a good head for business. In my perfect world, left to my own devices I would fully submerge myself in the universal spring of creativity. I'd cover myself with mayonnaise and glitter, put on a beret, take a big swig of pumpkin butter and think my most private thoughts at you with my mind.

Sound terrifying? That's because it is. This is why things are set up the way they are. To keep us from turning into characters from Easy Rider. And, via the accountability borne of sharing freely what once belonged to us alone, to occasionally save us from ourselves. Plus, it ain't easy gettin' glitter out of your belly button.

Just to keep things decent, and bloggers civilized, we must also promote ourselves. That's why we're in your faces, irritating you like gnats up the nostril, networking and neck-licking like debutantes in a Miss Fancy Nosegay contest.

These days I blog to hone my craft and connect with people who entertain and inspire, laugh with me, and help me make sense of the world. I am discovering amazing people with shared interests who can and do introduce me to resources that will help me to realize my potential as a writer. I don't know how to do this by myself, nor do I want to. So I blog, comment on other blogs, and poke around inside your head. It's you that I want. You are the reason I'm here.

It took me a while to realize that.

That said, oh the horror, I created a Facebook Fan Page today. OUCH! Every time I say it God drops a giant iron anvil on my head. (Hmm... I wonder if I can absorb iron via the wound and put my cast iron skillet to rest... but I digress...) Who the heck am I to be creating a FAN page? Fan pages are for Roddy McDowall, not for regular, everyday folks like yours truly. You have Anne to blame. 'Twas her post about de-cluttering your sidebar that inspired the idea.

Please know that, despite what Dave Doolin might say if he had a really bad headache and a twisted ankle, I really don't think too much of myself. (Dave, I couldn't resist teasing. You know I am fond of you. Not in a creepy or inappropriate way, though. Not in the way I am fond of Jannie Funster. Ooh, come to Feather Heather, Jannie, ooh, that's it... bring the poodle, oh yeeees... )

In any case, I'm hoping it's a smart move that will help me to discover who among my friends is interested in my writing, so I may leave the rest in peace before they hire a hit man, and to develop new contacts in the writing world from which I may learn.

Hopefully, eventually I will be able to help others as well. If I ever get good at this writing business you can rest assured I will be thrilled to help other hungry budding writers like myself. (I was going to say hungry young writers, but, lol, yeah I know.)

How about you? Do you have a Facebook Fan Page? If so, please leave a link in the comments section below so that I may become your Fan. I'm probably already your fan, so let's make it official.

We may or may not be embracing our personal energy

Image by Marcus76 via Flickr

Re-post: This was posted nearly a year ago to the day, December 30, 2008, at my former blog, How to be a Woman. (I updated the section of the post referring to said blog with the correct tense.) Happy New Year to all you fabulous people! This year is going to be so puddingliciously awesome that I can quite literally taste it. :D

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I'm new to social networking and social media. New to blogging. All of it. From an outsider's perspective, it's one giant fascinating ball of wax. Like sitting at the foot of a table watching a cross-section of society play Monopoly and fight over who gets the thimble while others scramble for a seat. Here's what I've observed over the last couple of days, and my pointless ruminations and blather about it all, contained in the form of a series of run-on sentences and inappropriately placed commas, sure to set Holly Jahangiri's frontal vein a'bulging.

Sometimes people create lists that contain mentions of other people. Those mentioned on the lists are happy, but those not mentioned are hurt and often feel betrayed.

Why then do people devise such lists? And why do people continue to care about them? Why are people who create such lists often catapulted to the top of the social networking strata if they aren't already there?

For the same reason Rob and Amber were so successful on Survivor. They were leaders, and others thought them untouchable. Also, because in the world of social networking people rely on other people to spread the word about them, and to make introductions. To get a nod of approval from a big cheese in the world of social networking can send flocks of followers one's way. Why is this a good thing? Exposure. To promote your brand. And for some, to quote THE Neil...

"...I got an emptiness deep inside
And I've tried
But it won't let me go
And I'm not a man who likes to swear
But I never cared
For the sound of being alone'"

There is a lot of resistance out there to positivity. There are a lot of life coaches on Twitter and Facebook, a lot of people telling other people how to use Twitter and Facebook, how to present themselves, how to express themselves. How to "be".

There are people making a living this way. I don't mind them myself. For the most part, they are a harmless bunch. And is it really such a bad thing to be around people who encourage us to stop wallowing in our own muck and self-pity, embrace our energy and our personal power and just GO FOR IT?

I suppose it is if you're not the go for it type. Some would do well to drop their wall of jokes and listen to what they have to say. Being happy is okay. Happiness and positivity are not tantamount to idiocracy. But all people weren't meant to be energetic and perky. Just because one is low key and expresses him or herself with a quiet and sardonic wit or a dark seriousness does not mean they are not embracing their energy. Some dance to the beat of a different drummer. Any attempt to alter them is, in my opinion, a crime against nature.

There are posers among us. Or poseurs. Or possers. Depends on the observer calling out the poser. What is a poser you ask? I have no idea. If you know, please tell me. I am so out of the loop. But posers or poseurs or poosers are apparently supposed to be blackballed on one's Twitter, or Friend Feed, and we're not supposed to Digg posers. Don't even think about Friending them on Facebook. Why? Apparently posing is anti-social. Unless it's in a cute hat and on your avatar.

We may or we may not be dillweeds. If we tell other people what to do, it's likely that we are dillweeds. I'm starting to suspect that being a dillweed is not a good thing. I'm even starting to suspect that I might be a dillweed.  :o

Some people didn't get the tongue-in-cheekocity of the title of my old blog "How to be a Woman", and thought that I was positioning myself as an authority. A natural mistake to the casual observer. But to anyone who actually read my blog, this was laughable and couldn't have been farther from the truth. The whole point of this blog was that I haven't a clue how to be a real woman. I am an apprentice. I'm on the path, not the path. I admitted that I am a big jerk who is flailing around, trying to learn how to be happy, how to be strong and steady and do right by the family I love. I'm going to get there someday.

However,  I am perfectly alright with being a dillweed. Takes the pressure off. And I like pickles better than cukes anyway.

Twitter is addictive. There are so many fascinating people out there. I really, truly mean that. They're out there, and they are actually willing to communicate with you. There are talented artists, writers, singers, comedians, business moguls, you name it, there on your Twitter screen. Right there at your fingertips.

Where else are you going to be presented with the opportunity to communicate with such incredible people first-hand? At this point, I would argue nowhere. Not like this. Not this instantly gratifying. And if you're nice to them, they have to be nice to you. Heh. Because if the rest of their followers should witness them being a jerk to you without provocation, then they're likely to hear about it. You've got them over a barrel. Ain't it cool?

Note to self: Do not become obsessed with losing followers. Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter. (Thanks, Annette.) Just be yourself, have a blast, and let the chips fall where they may. Note to self: Spend less time on Twitter and more time with your kids and your projects. Note to self: A little Tweeting is perfectly okay.

Signing off,
Dillweed in California

Facebook Dislike Button

Apparently our good friends at Mashable were aware of this over a month ago, but I just found out about it today so I'm sharing it with you. There is a "Facebook Dislike" Add-on for Firefox! Apprisal: Your Facebook friends must also have the Add-on installed in order to participate and view your dislikes.

I know my friends have been itching for one for months now, so I'm spreading the word in hopes that we can all have a little (good-natured!) fun with it. :D Enjoy!

[ETA by "disliking" the dislike button in my screen shot , I was only testing the feature to display how it will appear upon employment. I did not mean to indicate actual dislike, disgust, or general apathy of any kind.]

My Cyber Cabin in the Woods

Image via Wikipedia

I've been spending way too much time online lately. I always do that when things in my personal life get nutty, as with our impending move to Dallas. I use the internet as a refuge.

Can't find a house? No problem. Go into your Wordpress dashboard and play house there. Tweak Thesis to within one inch of its life.

A garage filled with crap to be sorted through? Time to take a hard look at your Twitter followers and weed out some of the people who are no longer participating.

Aware that you will need to discard baby items that have sentimental value because you can't keep them all? Make a post about your children, or upload photos to Facebook.

The internet is hardly a world over which we have total control, but it does allow us to hide and dream and think that perhaps we are connecting with others and improving our personal organizational situations. Yet, I have two crochet projects that sit on my shelves, unfinished. I should be packing. Christmas shopping. Scrubbing the bathroom floor. Walking. Interacting with my children as often as possible.

So why do I find myself here with increasing frequency? In my mind, while everything around me is swept up in toddler tornadoes and cross-country move panic, I can come in here and build upon something concrete. Slowly and surely, brick by hard-won brick, I will have carved out a little place for myself in the midst of the deluge—my own little cyber cabin in the woods.

As is the way of the internet, my little cabin is hardly safe, and might even slide down a hill if the rain gets too heavy. I think that, perhaps, instead of spending too much time on the drapery and pillow covers, I should also work on its foundations. It's not nearly as fun, but ten times as necessary. What are some things I should be doing?

• Learning about security and safety, but not overdoing it. There is always something to fear, but the thing we must fear the most, you may have heard, is fear itself.


• Determining my goal. If I don't know what I'm aiming for I will surely never achieve it.


• Mastering SEO techniques. If I didn't want people to visit my cabin I would be posting offline.


• Seeking out and supporting a list of like-minded bloggers. Taking a hard look at my current list of contacts.


• Setting up a daily routine with a time limit. (Oh, how I hate time limits and routines!) Something like, reading and commenting on blogs, one hour, posting, half an hour, etc. I might even want to expand this into a weekly schedule so everything gets covered.


• Perhaps expand the schedule to include a blog posting schedule. This way I could include a mix of diary posts for my own sanity, and potentially entertaining and helpful posts.


• After the move, make time for daily writing exercises. This is really where my blogging heart is, and learning to be a better writer can only have a positive impact on not only this blog, but on all of my communication attempts.

I'm in my personal comfort zone when winging it. But, as I recall, when I worked in an office I liked to have strict control over my activities to make sure nothing slipped through the cracks. What was absolutely imperative was done first thing in the morning so that when urgent and unexpected situations presented themselves I was still firmly on track. If I were to approach my blogging activities through the eyes of a professional rather than those of a dabbler, I just might be able to manifest a highly satisfying experience for myself and my readers. Should I discover this to be impossible, at least I will know I did everything possible to make it happen, instead of waiting for it to happen to me.

Oh, and I should probably pack, too. :o

How to Have Fun on Facebook

Image by Getty Images via Daylife

Please note this article is not entitled "How to Have Fun on Facebook and Still Look Professional". I am presently a stay at home Mom and as such I am allowing myself certain liberties on Facebook with regards to "being myself" that I would not necessarily afford myself if I were gainfully employed out in the big bad world and under the thumb and visual scrutiny of a supercontglomerate megaemployer.

1. Pretend that nobody is reading what you type except for your best friend, be your best friend your spouse, a monkey or something otherwise dispicable like a Lakers fan.
   
   • If you actually think about who is on your friends list you may very well freeze up out of anxiety and never type a word onto your wall at all. This is not fun. This is fear. Nobody is there, they're not really there and even if they are really there pretend they have better things to do than keep tabs on you so you are free to play.
     
     
2. Comment on your friends' wall posts.
   
   • Yes, that's right. I'm telling you to interact. (Noooooo!) It may feel weird the first time you do it, but you'll get over that soon enough. Don't take the fact that only 2% of people actually reciprocate or respond to your interactions personally. I've found that most aren't ignoring you out of spite, secret simmering hatred or a lack of tact. They simply don't know what to say that will make them not look like a fool or give a bad impression. Most people usually come around and start interacting with you using teeny tiny hesitant little baby steps after a while. If they don't, simply move on.
     
     My Golden Ratio of Facebook Interactions on your part in order to elicit a response is 4.53 to 1. Memorize it. Live by it. Respect the ratio!
     
     
3. Post old pictures.
   
   • Proceed with caution here. This area is a hotbed of potential drama. To be reasonably safe, start with pictures of yourself. Then, if anyone responds positively with a comment such as, "Ah yes, I remember those days. You were such a big dork it was all I could do to talk to you if another person was watching. But you're not as big of a dork now so it's cool", take that as an invitation to post an old photo of them. But be kind. There are rules involved in old friend photo posting:
   1. Do not post a photo of her at 15 with a Lowenbrau in one hand and a big bong balanced on her head.
   2. Do not post a photo of her with any old boyfriends. Ever. The dynamics of old relationships are complicated and the memory may spark her to freak out and start eating gallon after gallon of ice cream. Or maybe she is married now and simply doesn't want to go there. Even if she asks you to post a photo of her with an old boyfriend she doesn't really mean it. If you give in she will be filled with a potent mix of wistfulness and guilt or self-consciousness that she will forever associate with you. Just don't do it. Have some self-restraint. You can't un-post a photo. Well you can, but it's kind of like un-saying harsh words. Once they're out there in the universe they are doomed to linger through all eternity.
   3. Nudity is a no-no. Even web cam nudity. What? Yes, it counts as real nudity.
      
      
4. Take risks. Send friend requests to people you never really knew that well but wished you did or would like to now.
   
   • This can be incredibly invigorating, empowering and/or healing. Chances are that these people will respond favorably. Once your preconcieved notions are suitably slayed thus is snuffed another demon you never knew you had. You might even make another new friend. For real. Even if there isn't much interaction there, it's always nice to form a thought bubble around yourself that includes all the pieces and thus all the potential and possibilities Facebook can afford you.
     
     
5. Put your pride aside.
   
   • Fun and pride don't mix. I'm not suggesting that you purposely set yourself up for humiliation. I'm suggesting that you put down your guard and be yourself. Being cool is all good and well, but cool people don't have fun. Not really. They simply intermittently wallow in the satisfaction of knowing that their countenance and well-honed public image is beyond reproach by modern standards.
     
     
6. Share things that are interesting to you.
   
   • Post links to web pages that interest you. Post lyrics to songs. Beautiful photos. Silly jokes. Games. It allows you to express yourself and allows others the opportunity to get to know you and get to know themselves better as well in relation to how what you've shared of yourself makes them feel.
     
     
7. Give yourself permission to not respond to all requests and applications.
   
   • If you don't you'll quickly find yourself overwhelmed by drink requests and bunny ears and you'll find yourself avoiding Facebook altogether thus denying your Facebook friends the opportunity to get to know you better and vice-versa. Sometimes if I'm away for a week or so I am greeted with a ridiculous amount of requests and I have to simply go through the list and ignore ignore and ignore with a reasonable lack of prejudice. Done deal, now I am free to have fun. Remember that most requests are sent out in masse so you will not be offending anyone if you don't return the button or the cyber drink. And if they are offended, well, do you think you should take their offense seriously or give it time and let it pass? Which leads me to...
     
     
8. De-friend people only on rare occasions and always as a last resort.
   
   • 99% of the time you will end up regretting your decision to de-friend somebody. And unless you're the best of friends and have a very honest and loving relationship, chances are that your relationship will never be the same. Unless having that person there makes you feel unsafe, violated, sad, or has a negative effect on your life or family relationships in general and hampers your ability to enjoy Facebook at all leave them there. Drama passes. And remember the old adage - keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. It's comforting and can be healthy to see "enemies" as real people too. But be careful, you may find yourself without any enemies at all.
     

I'll update this article if I come up with any other juicy tidbits. Until then, enjoy!

Social Media ADD

If you're like me you suffer from Social Media Attention Deficit Disorder. It's gotten to the point where I'm almost mentally paralyzed. My IQ is dialing down as I type this. At any given moment on any given day I am thinking all of these thoughts at once and I'm not kidding:

1. What should I blog about today? Should I even blog today? If I blog two days at once will I be setting a precident and thereby assuring that people will think less of me if I let two or even three or even four days pass between blog entries in the future?
   
   
2. I need to check Facebook. I never get the chance to actually look at everybody's page and get the full scoop on the haps. I should go through my entire friends list and organize people into groups so I can catch up with different groups on different days. Friends, family, bloggers, Avon Reps. But what if people fit into more than one group? What do I do then? Forget it, it's too complicated.
   
   
3. I need to updated my status on Twitter. "Good morning Tweeple! It's me Heather! How are you'z today?". Ugh. "Check out the Avon deliciousness at my funky and fabulous eStore! You KNOW you want to look GUUUD, girl!" He-hl no. "Wacka wacka wacka! Why look so down in the twace when you should be twiling? It's a tweautiful tway twotay!"
   
   
4. I need to find one of those tools that lets me put my Tweeple into groups so I can Tweet more effectively.
   a) SEO Rock Gods!!!!! - All that awesomeness should be contained for safety reasons
   b) Life Coaches - Good resource for affirmations and eastern philosophy quotes
   c) Mommy Bloggers - I can commiserate and follow their @'s to find new mommy blogger followers
   d) "Real" Bloggers - People without kids are the only bloggers to be taken seriously in case you didn't know
   e) Teenagers - Anyone who makes me feel that old needs to be approached with care
   f) Funny people who may or may not be insane for real but I don't care - Nuff said
   g) Other Avon Reps - So I can steal all their good ideas
   h) MC Hammer - His fabulousness needs its own category
   i) Friends and Family - Wait, do I have any on Twitter? Oh crap, I do! Are they reading what I say? Oh no. I'm going to hear about it at Thanksgiving. "Shouldn't you be with your kids instead of talking with all those questionable characters in the internet? I think you even said 'poop' in public. I'm going to speak to your Mother about this."
   
   
5. I need to get some eHow articles up so I can start bringing in some money. Why didn't I think of this back in the day when I actually knew how to do anything? Now all I know how to do is talk about how I don't know how to do anything. Hmm... would that work for an eHow article? How to write an eHow article when you don't know how to do anything?
   
   
6. I need to get caught up on Google Reader. These days actually curling up with a good blog and immersing myself in it seems like a luxury. Oh God, am I doomed to become one of those drive-by phoning-it-in blog networkers? The kind that don't actually read your posts and say things like, "Right on!" and "I always enjoy your posts.", but don't really mean it in a thinly-veiled selfish attempt to get reciprocal comments on their own blog?
   
   
7. I should be creating and promoting a Facebook page for my Avon eStore. But is that even allowed? Will I get it going only to look like a complete ass when Avon comes and cyber-spanks me and makes me take it down?
   
   
8. Should I be working on the blog over at my Avon eStore? Will anyone actually check that? Isn't that sort of like typing up a story and tossing it into the fire? And why did I put a link to my store in this post? Will that look desperate or make me look like a savvy businesswoman? AM I a savvy businesswoman? Am I even a businesswoman or just a cosmetics-schlepping schmuck?
   

There's more, but my brain just froze over. You know that feeling. The numbness starts by your ears and slowly paints the top of your head until it reaches your eyebrows. I can only imagine what I look like to the unsuspecting observer.

Mom Bloggers Caste System

I've been reading a lot of articles lately about Mom Bloggers gone bad. No names are ever mentioned, but the sentiment is always the same.

You think you're too good for us now.

Self-satisfaction is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there. Never discussed, but always presumed is the hierarchy of Mom Bloggers that is becoming more entrenched as I finger this article. Never discussed until now that is! I present to you my...

Mom Bloggers Caste System

Ubertop

• Celebrity Mom Bloggers. They may have a book deal and make celebrity appearances on morning shows. One day one of them may be a guest host on "So you think you can dance". You can comment all you want on their blogs, but there ain't no chance in Hades that the favor will be returned. Don't take it personally, they're just too busy.
  

• Mom Bloggers with a Google Page Rank of five or higher. I mean, how did she do that anyway? Her material is not even that good. Certainly not as compelling as my article on removing teeth marks from the cat's tail. She probably took a limo ride with Mr. Google and doodled his schnoodle. These bloggers may allow you to become their Facebook friend. They may even concede to comment on your blog if you guilt them into it by supporting them in a comment thread when the chips are down.
  

• Mom Bloggers who have lots and lots of followers and/or feed subscribers. How do we know this? Because it's published right there on their blog. Take that, plebian! These bloggers are routinely interviewed and courted by other bloggers, their egos stroked in hopes that some of their magic will rub off on us.
  

• Mom Bloggers who have a Google Page Rank of three or higher and are routinely able to procure obscene amounts of comments. Where do these people come from? People who comment on blogs? We could write a condensed version of Das Boot and our own Dads wouldn't even take the time to comment. We know people are reading our blogs. At least nineteen people. Because Clicky tells us that. But they don't comment. Why? Because they secretly hate us and want us to look like prom-dateless fools. It gives them a certain schadenfreudian pleasure to collectively doom our words to cyberspace limbo; forever moving outward, never hitting that mountain and echoing back to us deeper and louder and with more impact.

• Mom Bloggers with a Google Page Rank of two or higher and a massive amount of followers on Twitter. Hey, at least they're popular somewhere. More popular than us, with more potential for being heard. Clearly they know something that we don't know. People like them. Or at least their Tweets. Maybe it's time to change out our Twavatars again.

• Mom Bloggers. At least they've got a horse in the race.
  

• Moms without a blog. Why even get up in the morning?
  

Uberbottom

Let's all respect one another and not take another blogger's lack of interest in us personally. Let's not chase busy people down and chide them publicly for not having time for us. If you like her, support her. If you don't like her, why not cease to focus on her? Certainly do not express nasty thoughts and allow her success to expand with the help of your passion and your albeit creative negativity.

Her success may not be my success, but it certainly isn't my failure. It isn't her or me. Let's do our own thangs and back in the glow of our positivity and our love of expression. Let's ruminate on our joy and the fact that we're d*mn lucky to be Moms in the first place and to have a platform for bonding and expressing our thoughts, good and bad. Our Moms were infinately more shuttered. Can you imagine how frightened and alone they felt at times? Yes, we are the fortunate ones.

Sisterhood is the new catty. Ain't it cool?

We may or may not be embracing our personal energy

I'm new to social networking and social media. New to blogging. All of it. From an outsider's perspective, it's one giant fascinating ball of wax. Like sitting at the foot of a table watching a cross-section of society play Monopoly and fight over who gets the thimble while others scramble for a seat. Here's what I've observed over the last couple of days, and my pointless ruminations and blather about it all, contained in the form of a series of run-on sentences and inappropriately placed commas, sure to set Holly Jahangiri's frontal vein a'bulging.

• Sometimes people create lists that contain mentions of other people. Those mentioned on the lists are happy, but those not mentioned are hurt and often feel betrayed. Why then do people devise such lists? And why do people continue to care about them? Why are people who create such lists often catapaulted to the top of social networking strata if they aren't already there? For the same reason Rob and Amber were so successful on Survivor. They were leaders, and others thought them untouchable. Also, because in the world of social networking people rely on other people to spread the word about them, and to make introductions. To get a nod of approval from a big cheese in the world of social networking can send flocks of followers one's way. Why is this a good thing? Exposure. To promote your brand. And for some, to quote the big N.D.:
  "But I got an emptiness deep inside
  And I've tried
  But it won't let me go
  And I'm not a man who likes to swear
  But I never cared
  For the sound of being alone'"
  


• There is a lot of resistance out there to positivity. There are a lot of life coaches on Twitter and Facebook. A lot of people telling other people how to use Twitter and Facebook. How to present themselves. How to express themselves. How to "be". There are people making a living this way. I don't mind them myself. For the most part, they are a harmless bunch. And is it really such a bad thing to be around people who encourage us to stop wallowing in our own muck and self-pity, embrace our energy and our personal power and just GO FOR IT? I suppose it is if you're not the go for it type. Some would do well to drop their wall of jokes and listen to what they have to say. Being happy is okay. Happiness and positivity are not tantamount to idiocracy. But all people weren't meant to be energetic and perky. Just because one is low key and expresses him or herself with a quiet and sardonic wit or a dark seriousness does not mean they are not embracing their energy. Some dance to the beat of a different drummer. Any attempt to alter them is, in my opinion, a crime against nature.


• There are posers among us. Or poseurs. Or possers. Depends on the observer calling out the poser. What is a poser you ask? I have no idea. If you know, please tell me. I am so out of the loop. But posers or poseurs or poosers are apparently supposed to be blackballed on one's Twitter, or Friend Feed, and we're not supposed to Digg posers. Don't even think about Friending them on Facebook. Why? Apparently posing is anti-social. Unless it's in a cute hat.


• We may or we may not be dillweeds. If we tell other people what to do, it's likely that we are dillweeds. I'm starting to suspect that being a dillweed is not a good thing. I'm starting to suspect that I may even be a dillweed. Some people don't get the tongue-in-cheekness of my "How to be a Woman" blog title, and think that I am positioning myself as an authority. To anyone who actually reads my blog, this is laughable and couldn't be farther from the truth. The whole point of this blog is that I haven't a clue how to be a real woman. I am an apprentice. I'm on the path, not the path. I admit that I am a big jerk who is flailing around, trying to learn how to be happy, how to be strong and steady and do right by the family I love. I'm going to get there somday. And I'm perfectly alright with being a dillweed. I like pickles better than cukes anyway.


• Twitter is addicting. There are so many fascinating people out there. I really, truly mean that. They're out there, and they are actually willing to communicate with you. There are talented artists, writers, singers, comedians, business moguls, you name it, right there on your Twitter screen. Right there at your fingertips. Where else are you going to be presented with the opportunity to communicate with such incredible people first-hand? At this point, I would argue nowhere. Not like this. Not this instantly gratifying. And if you're nice to them, they have to be nice to you. Heh. Because if the rest of their followers should witness them being a jerk to you without provocation, then they're likely to hear about it. You've got them over a barrel. Ain't it cool? Note to self: Do not become obsessed with losing followers. Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter. (Thanks, Annette.) Just be yourself, have a blast, and let the chips fall where they may. Note to self: Spend less time on Twitter and more time with your kids and your projects. Note to self: A little Tweeting is perfectly okay.

Signing off,
Dillweed in California

Women fight back against offensive Motrin ads

Me looking like a "real Mom".

If you've been around the web today you couldn't help but notice that some new Motrin ads have Moms in an uproar. At best, the ad folks over at Motrin are misinformed. At worst, they are belittling and downright destructive. It's as though Motrin went out of their way to infuriate their target audience. They want you to buy Motrin because babywearing is hurting your back. Then they insult you for doing it in the first place. I've heard that no publicity is bad publicity. Nonetheless, things don't look good for Motrin, Infant Motrin and Children's Motrin going forward unless they take action to mend the wounds and to prove that they aren't as out of touch as they appear. It's simply not smart to anger Moms, let alone Moms with keyboards.

Taken from News Anchor Mom, here is the verbatum:

Wearing your baby seems to be in fashion. I mean, in theory it’s a great idea. There’s the front baby carrier, sling, schwing, wrap, pouch. And who knows what else they’ve come up with. Wear your baby on your side, your front, go hands free.

Supposedly, it’s a real bonding experience. They say that babies carried close to the body tend to cry less than others. But what about me? Do moms that wear their babies cry more than those who don’t. I sure do! These things put a ton of strain on your back, your neck, your shoulders. Did I mention your back?! I mean, I’ll put up with the pain because it’s a good kind of pain; it’s for my kid.

Plus, it totally makes me look like an official mom. And so if I look tired and crazy, people will understand why.

Here's a You Tube video that sums up the sentiment on Twitter #motrinmoms:

It's time to face facts. I'm prematurely becoming a Senior Citizen.

Hey, I have nothing against the blue of hair and cranky of mood. In fact, some of my best friends are older than dirt. Walking sticks are a fine invention, and are at their best and most useful when being shaken in the face of a passing teenager. I don't think there's a darn thing wrong with standing on your lawn in your walking slippers for hours at a time shooting eye daggers at nothing and nobody in particular.

Yet, silly me, I thought it would be a good 15 years before I was ready to throw in the towel and start looking forward to early bird dinners at Denny's. I was wrong. It's true. I'm over the hump. There is a new trend (besides hip hop which just needs to go away along with showing your thong and your butt crack) that I just don't get. I don't understand Facebook apps. I really, really don't get them. They seem fun and friendly enough. Kate from One More Thing is kind enough to give me a green patch plant every now and then. I copied my friend Sabina and gave myself a Jennifer Aniston piece of flair.

But I don't know what any of it means. Pieces of flair, ok I can figure that much out. But what is "fluff voting"? And why do none of my "stories"? (Stories???) show up on my own news feed. I need them to be there so I can see just how dorky I appear to the outside world. But they don't. They're not there. And nobody in the help section knows how to make them appear.

There are some Mommy apps, (whatever a Mommy app is), but I don't know what to do with them. I just don't get the big picture. What if I do something silly on Facebook and don't want anybody to know about it but a log of my silliness is posted on everyone's profile? Worse yet— what if I do something awesome and nobody is appraised of it? What if my one totally awesome action goes completely, pathetically unseen and dare I say it - uncommented upon?!?

I don't get it. But my friend Patty joined up today and I'm pretty sure she won't get it any more than I do. And I know her well enough to post stupid stuff on her page and not have to worry that she'll think I'm a nuthead. Because she already knows that I am.

Is too much social media a good thing?

If you're reading this blog post, odds are you are already acquainted with social media. I got a crash course myself after I started blogging a few months ago. I now Tweet and even recently plunged down (dare I say its name lest I evoke it?) the Face Hole.

And if you're anything like me you probably find yourself wondering which social media are right for you. I've been trying a few things in order to determine which, if any, are a fit for me. After reading this article today, (which should be helpful to any of you who have recently been laid off), I'm wondering with great trepidation whether or not I should add a couple more platforms to my test route.

Here are the social media detailed in the article. Have you tried any and all of them yourself? If so, please do share your thoughts and opintions about them.

• Facebook - Been there, done that. So far it's not nearly as scary as I expected it to be. But it's not as much fun as MySpace. (I used to have a MySpace account ages ago. Not as me, but as a character, you know, like The Easter Bunny. I wish there was a way to message all friends at once (even though I do not have an expansive friends list). And it's not as much fun as MySpace. I suppose it's more "adult", but it's a bit bland by comparison. Plus, it's confusing to a newbie like me. All the applications have my head spinning. And I still can't find out how to replace my wall with a "super wall". And I don't even know why I want one.


• Twitter - I've been doing a spot o' Tweeting. So far it's pretty fun. I had no idea so many life coaches existed, and neither will you if you start Tweeting as well. They will find you. But hey, they are a positive people and throw out positive energy.


• WordPress, Moveable Type, Blogger or Tumblr - You are looking at my WordPress blog.


• LinkedIn - I've carried the impression that you need to have your suit and glasses on to join this one. It's probably untrue, but I'm sick of suits. I want to dye my hair purple and wear patched overalls while I work.


• Flickr - I really like Flickr. You can share your photos in a social media setting, join groups, and allow complete strangers to view and comment on your stuff. This is a great site and you can learn a lot from others, including professional photographers.


• Upcoming.org - Up what?


• Meetup.com - In person????? *faint*


• Seesmic - Who's Mic and why would I want to see him?


• 12seconds.tv - I can do a lot of things in 12 seconds, but I've never heard of this place.

Google Alerts and Yotify - So that's how they do it!

A-ha! I've been wondering how certain commentators seem to find my posts that are relevant to their blogs and/or businesses with lightening speed. This of course has enabled them to leave comments in relevant posts here with links back to their own sites. Google Alerts! I'm on top of things. It seems as though this service has been available for years now. Mox nix. Better late than never.

Anyway, I can see how this will be a great tool for finding other bloggers with our interests, tracking news stories, etc. I'm getting giddy.



The alert categories are:

• News


• Blogs


• Web


• Comprehensive


• Video


• Groups

You can have them email the alerts to your google email address as-it-happens, once a day, or once a week.

Here are the Google Alerts FAQ, the Google Alerts Wiki, and even an article on using Google alerts for intelligence tracking.

You should also be aware of a similar service called Yotify. As detailed in this Jason Kincaid article (9/24/09):

Yotify allows users to track variables across a number of different services, including price changes, event ticket availability, and user profile modifications.

If anybody has an opinion about which service is better, please comment below.

How to tell if you've been Stumbled Upon

StumbleUpon is a fun service. I have a StumbleUpon toolbar on my Firefox. When I'm bored I click the "Stumble" button and it takes me to new websites based upon the interests and categories I selected.

You may have seen the StumbleUpon logo at the top left of this post on websites and articles inviting you to StumbleUpon said website or article if you like it and would like to share it with others.

StumbleUpon discovers web sites based on your interests. Whether it's a web page, photo or video, our personalized recommendation engine learns what you like, and brings you more.

If you're curious to see if your website or blog has been Stumbled Upon, here's what you do:

Put your URL after http://www.stumbleupon.com/url/ & search

For example, my blog (which has not a one review and I'm totally okay with that lol) can be found at http://www.stumbleupon.com/url/http://happy-making.blogspot.com.

Happy Stumbling!

We're probably doing all we can to lower our blog's Google page rank

These days a lot of us blogging fiends are keeping an eye on our page ranking. A lot of factors come into play when determining page rank. And lots of blogs are being penalized for various reasons. To this laywoman's view, among them are:

1. Blog Spam - I've been told that the incestuous nature of blogs (linking to one another and whatnot) can drive down page rank. Kind of funny about this—you are bumped up in the ratings by having people comment on your blog, and link back to it, but yet you get zinged for having "blog spam". I don't get it. (Warming up to a rant here.) You can check on your blog spam using the bad neighborhood tool mentioned below.

2. Monetized Blogs - If you get paid to post, and advertise this on your blog, you can (and most likely eventually will) get slammed down to a zero faster than you can come up with a Sarah Palin joke. I personally don't think this is fair, as most websites have one form of advertising or another contained within. I just see blogs penalized for this. Are bloggers held to a higher standard? And if so, pray tell why? Bloggers are just human beings with human frailties like hunger and the desire to keep our children clothed. Last time I checked, nobody (with the exception of Robert Scoble), was getting rich off of blogging. I for one am just hoping to pay the electricity bill this month. And it's a catch-22. You have to have a certain page rank to receive offers, but if you do your page rank will revert to zero. Makey no sense. But I digress...

According to IZEA Customer Love:

Unfortunately, no one knows why Google Page Rank has updated for so many bloggers. One theory is that they are discounting paid links, however, many sites that do not participate in paid programs have also experienced a drop in rankings.

Some people think it has more to do with the no-follow tags and still others think it is the incestuous nature of blogs (everyone is linked to everyone else).

In addition, with the recent launch of RealRank in the Izea Marketplace, page rank will not be of as much importance since our system is now able to provide actual traffic metrics instead of estimates and elusive algorithmic theories.

[ETA this blog is no longer monetized. Ref: I will be a ho no mo!]

3. Bad Neighborhoods - Being considered a bad neighborhood is likely to affect your page rank. Think of it like VD. Even if you aren't a bad neighborhood yourself, if you have even one link to a site considered a bad neighborhood within your blog, you will be considered a bad neighborhood yourself and penalized for it as will all may all of the other people linked to you. I found a great tool to help with this. (Side note, I had to remove some links to my favorite blogs because they came up as bad neighborhoods for silly reasons. Fo shizzle!) Be sure to use this site to check your blog often, and use it to check links before you include them in a post.

4. Link Density - Apparently Google doesn't like to see more than one hundred links on a page. Now this sounds reasonable to me, and easy enough to achieve. Problem is I can't do it. You see, I like to promote other blogs and give credit where credit is due. That means I have links to other blogs speckled among my posts and pages. Add these links to the blogs on my blogroll, and the links to freebies and articles and whatnot and suddenly I'm venturing into the overlinking zone! You can also check on your link density using the aforementioned bad neighborhood tool.

5. Nofollow tags - You can read about them here. The idea, from what I've been able to grasp thusfar, is to have links on your blog, but sort of make them invisible to search engine spiders by adding the'rel="nofollow"'attribute so that you won't be penalized due to the previous four reasons and probably others. I know that most sponsored post advertisers don't allow them, but they are still being used quite a bit.

I'm sure there are other things that can negatively affect your Google page ranking. I'll update this post as I come across them, so please be sure to bookmark it and check back often! If you can think of anything to add, please comment below.

Google Page Rank Meltdown aka Help Me Obi Mari Smith

I don't know whether to attribute it to sun spots to or a fatal flaw in Google's page ranking algorithms, but I recently found myself prematurely slapped with a Google Page Rank of 3. Perhaps Google swiped my site on the precise day when Stitchblade (a legitimately popular blogger) and her friends stopped by to support her in my post about her blog. Maybe My Bitter Half paid The Big G off to keep me in the home office and out of his hair.

Regardless of the reason, my sudden status has turned me into a spastic, twitchy basket case. You see, PR 3 seems to be the magic number for those of us with monetized blogs. Yes, I admit it. My blog is monetized. I do this because Joe Joe needs a new pair of shoes. Bills to pay. Times are hard. Don't you dare judge me. Anyway, advertisers who'd previously splashed mud in my face while swerving widely to avoid me were now knocking at my door and offering me tiny amounts of money to write sponsored reviews. I was floored. I expected this might happen, but after many more months at the very least.

Now I'm paralyzed. Unlike Stitchblade, I do not work best under pressure. I implode like a snot-laden Kleenex. I become wide-eyed and jumpy like a spazzy chihuahua. My hair gets frizzy. My kids fear the vein that pumps so purple and visible on my forehead and occasionally whips around like an unruly hose.

Not unlike Kate, my brain has been wiped clean of all thought. The self-induced pressure to keep my rank up has nearly driven me to drink.

It's become so bad that I'm now considering joining Facebook. (The rabbit hole of doom).

I've been riddling my site with various social bookmarking icons. My God, it's beginning to make me look desperate.

I'm worrying that my only true regular commentator, Putradi, (bless his little heart) will tire of me and gravitate away.

I've spent nearly an hour trying to compose a hooky Tweet to @marismith . If I do, perhaps she will be lured in. She will be powerless to resist my wit. She'll take time out of her busy day to view my blog, and be glad she did. She'll think to herself, "Now there's a blogger with promise! I'm going to take her under my Mariwing and show her the golden path to Blogvana!". Blogvana, of course, being my idea of Blogging Nirvana.

I've been blogging about Robert Scoble, a popular tech geek blogger, in hopes that he'll become so irritated at the unwanted attention that he'll come here himself to comment and ask me to scuttle off from whence I came. It will, of course, be supremely humiliating. However, definitely not the worst of my many internet humiliations. Perhaps he'll bring a couple of his thousands of internet buddies along with him. Surely that will help to keep my Page Rank up until the next Google pass. It matters not that his blog niche is not even remotely related to mine, nor that technology is of no particular interest to me. I'll be placing these efforts in my bulging "seemed like a good idea at the time" file. That's not to say the Scoble Hole isn't a fascinating place. Reading his posts and comments is like being a fly on the wall at an MIT Frat party. Not unlike piggybacking the Mars rover to somebody like me.

It would help if I could write. Mind you, I'm under no illusions with regards to my writing abilities. On a good day, my technical skills are passable. I'm more of an emoter than a writer. But there are times when I wish I had stores of talent and knowledge upon which to draw to tickle your literary senses into a titter. To make you want to come back and see me on occasion. To inspire you to think or laugh or (dare I say it?) comment on my posts.

I suppose if it's meant to be it will be. For now, I'll make an effort to slough off the pressure and continue to have a good time, as was my original intent. I'll have faith that if my ranking should go down, you won't be too high on schadenfreude to drop by and give a sistah some love. And tomorrow I'll be one step closer to knowing how to be a woman.

(Originally posted at http://howtobeawoman.net)

Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

Yesterday was my 39th birthday. My last good year. Wah. Oh, who am I kidding. My last good year was 25. In the looks department, that is. I'll be glad to turn 40 next year and just get it over with. Heck, why don't I skip straight to 50. Oprah says women are happier in their fifties. That we can finally just let it all go so to speak. Not ourselves, but our need to look and feel 21. But that was back when Oprah had a show rather than in infomercial.

My Mom made me a carrot cake. It was always my favorite. She put a 29 on there with ten candles so I could celebrate the tenth anniversary of my 29th birthday.



Joe Joe had a heck of a time snacking on the frosting remnants. Yes, I said frosting. I know that makes me an awful, horrible Mom but it's okay. I'm already over your opinion of me. That sounds bitter and I don't mean it to. But Diary, you can be awfully judgmental.



My Bitter Half provided me with a card from the babies. He doesn't know that I know that it was him who secretly bought it. Tucked into it was the best possible gift. Pictures of my babies' bottoms and butt cracks. The Bitter One knows I love nothing more than a baby bottoms. I'm still smiling about it. Tucked a few of the photos on the fridge.

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600" caption="Gunther heads are to protect the guilty and the butt crackage."][/caption]

Lily looked really cute in her ducky outfit. I finally had to admit that she looks good in colors other than pink. I guess the hundreds of pink baby items I purchased for her and organized by age, size and hue will have to sit untouched. The baby wants to wear primary colors. And what the baby wants the baby gets.



I just posted what I thought was a witty comment over on the Scoblizer's Blog. Turns out it wasn't witty at all. It was bordering on stupid. And that thing I said I would check out doesn't even pertain to somebody like me. If only I could edit other people's blogs. Do you think he'll put me on his ban list? Oh, let it go woman! Do you think Scoble sits over there agonizing and feeling silly and worrying about offending me and looking stupid in his posts at my blog? Surely not. And not just because he doesn't comment here. That's a whole other issue. Get off my case, Diary. I know I need to snap out of it.

I wonder if anyone clicked on any of my referral links? Nope, not yet. That's okay. If it's meant to be it will be.

I think I'll have a piece of cake while the gettin' is still good.

TTFN,

Heather

Take note of the Hive Five Winners

I love lists! Over at Lifehacker they've been compiling a "best tool for the job" list for us all.

Best of the Best: The Hive Five Winners

Here's where I stack up. How about you?

Best Digital Photo Organizer: Picasa (Windows/Linux)

Use it and love love love it! You can edit your photos within the application, then re-size and export them to other folders with ease. Tool of note: Use "glow" to erase those tiny lines. ;-)

Best Instant Messenger: Pidgin (Windows/Linux)

I don't use IM anymore. I hate it when I'm doing my thing and somebody wants to tell me all about their day. You have to really like people for that kind of thing to work for you. {shudder]

Best GTD Application: Pen and Paper

Couldn't agree more.

Best DVD Ripping Tool: DVD Shrink (Windows)

I don't rip DVD's. Isn't that illegal?

Best Contact Management Application: Address Book (Mac OS X)

I have a PC so I can't speak to this.

Best Text Editor: Notepad++ (Windows)

Yup. If it ain't broke don't fix it.

Best Online File Sharing Service: MediaFire

I don't share files. I'm too freaked out about viruses to do that kind of thing anymore.

Best RSS Newsreader: Google Reader

Melikey!

Best Application Launcher: Launchy (Windows)

What the? Application Launcher? Don't they launch when you click on them?

Best Start Page: iGoogle

I agree. Now if I could just settle on one of my two thousand gmail accounts and stick with it. I don't like to log in to a home page on a daily basis.

Best Antivirus Application: AVG Anti-Virus

Oh GREAT. My Mom's been telling me this. Now I feel compelled to let her know about this. That will only encourage her to do more forward thinking in the future. And that can't lead to any good.

Best Photo Sharing Site: Flickr

I agree. I love Flickr. I just canceled my pro account because I'm a cheapskate. I use Picasa now. Flickr's highly social though, and great for pro photographers or for those who want to learn about photography.

Best Personal Finance Tool: Mint

Huh?? How come I've never heard about this? Is that why I'm so broke?

Best Desktop Media Player: VLC (All Platforms)

Never heard if it. Gawd, I'm sooooooo oooooooooold.

Best Windows Maintenance Tool: CCleaner

Going to check it out!

Best Windows Backup Tool: Carbonite

Huh?

Best File Syncing Tool: Dropbox (All Platforms)

Huh?

Best Alternative File Manager: Total Commander

Huh?

Best Note-Taking Tool: Pen and Paper

Couldn't agree more. I always come back to this.

Best To-Do List Manager: Pen and Paper

I like pen and paper for shopping lists, but I love to use Outlook for to do lists. The calendar is great, and I love the reminders. I'd be lost without it.

Best Desktop Search Application: Windows Search 4

:|

Best FTP Client: Filezilla

Yay! Use it and love it! Thanks to my Stepson Brian.

Best Password Manager: KeePass

I prefer PassGass.

Best Download Manager: DownThemAll

I thought you didn't need one of these if you use cable. Shows me what I know. Hmpf.

Best Calendar Application: Google Calendar

I'm sure it's good, but I prefer Outlook.

Best BitTorrent Application: uTorrent

What in heaven's name is a Bit Torrent??