Rest Assured

You should have been here last night. My husband Dennis tossed a bite of guacamole into his mouth, lit up like a glowfish, then dashed over to his work bag and returned with an etching. I'd seen this wide-eyed look before. It was the one he gets when he's about to flip out over something ridiculously small and unimportant (to me). Don't get me wrong. My husband is a rock. He can and does handle the middle and big things, and most small things, with steely nerves and the grace of a nobleman. But every few days or so his sanity consciousness wavers, he senses foul play where none exists and becomes irate about something most people wouldn't be able to fathom.

This time it was the Rest Assured toilet seat covers in his bathroom at work.





Dennis: This is my mission in life. Everybody else would ignore this.

Heather:

Dennis: It could be called "Pleasant Days" or "Good Answers" or "Fishers" or "Baldwin Supplies", but it's called Rest ASS sured.

Heather:

Dennis: Don't make me think I'm insane. If there's no way to convey it without sounding insane does that mean I shouldn't say it?

Heather:

Dennis: Baby! That smug look on your face when you're typing. You think you're better than me. You'll do something tonight. You'll s%*t your pants. You've sharted before. See the R Trademark? They're not making a comment, that's their company. I mean, they thought long and hard about the name of their company. It's called rest ass sured. Those esses are in a different font almost. They paid a lot of money to some company to make those esses stand out. I was going to tape over the ured but then I thought "This is bigger than that!". I'm going to take it home and share it. I'm like Columbus. I've made a discovery!

Heather:

Dennis: It's almost like rest ass you red. Rest your ass or you'll get red. You're not writing down what I'm saying are you because some of it's jibberish. You're like "Some of it? All of it". *laughs*

Dennis: (Looks at the tv and says...) Pinot grigio.

So I decide to Google 'Rest Assured'. Not unlike a saint, I concede that in this version of the logo the word "Ass" does in fact appear to be highlighted to make a point.

What do you think?