We've decided, and not entirely out of necessity, to adopt a casual living style at our home. To be honest, as of late I've come to the conclusion that anyone who consciously chooses formal over casual is either a) out of their mind, b) living up to expectations set by previous generations of people trying to live up to an undefined European ideal, c) a masochist, d) a sadist.That said, I've finally confronted the fact that I have no clue whatsoever how to entertain people in my own home. To me, it's a monumental, unfathomable task. Dealing with people is one thing. I do well enough in public and at other peoples' houses. But the mere thought of two semi-strangers sitting on my couch makes my hair stand on end and my behind pucker. I, after all, would be responsible for their happiness for the portion of their life spent in my home. I don't want that kind of responsibility!
People are so different. They're like puffy, hairy, walking Pandora's boxes of judgment and expectations. How, after all, should I be able to know that Sandy positively despises tomatoes in her salad and that George is allergic to ice cubes?To invite other human beings to one's home is to set oneself up for utter failure, humiliation and devastation of what pride one has managed to squander after a lifetime of trying on bathing suits in tiny florescent lit rooms that may or may not have two-way mirrors, and dealing with others and who have bought a smelly bill of goods from advertisers and as such have adopted as their top purpose in life selling us the illusion that they are better looking, smarter, happier, thinner, funnier, and better parents than we are.
Clearly, to entertain in one's own home is madness!
Yet, I want to learn how to do it. I want to learn how to do everything that has me stymied. It's one thing to not entertain out of choice, another to not entertain out of fear and ignorance. Any tips for a mother of two teeny children? How do you make everyone happy and not lose your mind?
Heather, I used to be scared stiff to entertain people in our home. I can't cook worth a darn, I get tongue-tied easily...it's not pretty. But since having kids, I've come more out of my shell. It seems like almost every get-together is at my house. In fact, I just threw an awesome Easter Party at our home 2 weeks ago....25 kids, 15 adults, 200 easter eggs filled with candy and 100 hard-boiled eggs to dye. I made it a potluck and asked everyone to bring their "signature dish" and all I had to supply was cold cuts, cheeses and breads, plus soda and drinks.
ReplyDeleteIt actually went really well...everyone seemed to have fun and I'm still getting compliments from my friends. Looks like I'll be holding the annual Easter Party at my house from now on.
I think the word "entertain" makes us think it has to be stressful but it really doesn't. If you're worried about people liking the food, make it a potluck or send out an e-mail with what you're planning on serving and ask for some input. As far as socializing, just break out a bottle of wine (if you drink), that always seems to loosen people up. And most of all, just have fun with it!
Helene, you are an angel & a Godsend. What terrific advice. :) I may have to email you though to ask about seating!
ReplyDeleteAh, you sound like the type of person whose home I'd like to visit, as long as you wouldn't mind my lack of etiquette! But CA is a bit of a hike -- for now I'll be looking to your blog fare.
ReplyDeleteAs for advice, it sounds like you're doing a good, honest job of working through the kinks everyone experiences when they deal with people in a superficial way (and entertaining is first and foremost superficial, even if holds the potential for meaningful social gratification and rewards).
I don't know how to entertain and I always feel like I mess up at it (at least partially), but when I do entertain, it's because I need an excuse to eat and drink my favorite things, see other people enjoy themselves, and talk to complicit souls about forbidden topics late into the night. Not too many people in the south are into that kind of entertaining, as you can imagine, so I'm learning that my parties will generally be small or sparsely attended (in contrast to those enormous NYC parties I used to throw in an apartment the size of a postage stamp). But that's okay. I find entertaining is a good opportunity to discover who I am and who my friends are. And make no mistake, it's hugely challenging with kids in the picture. But it can be so much fun, especially if you find people who are willing to ditch and trash their kids for a night -- because let's face it, isn't that the primary reason we moms would want to go to the trouble of adult caretaking? Entertaining the enemy is our business 24/7 -- why take on more of them?
Great to see you back in the blogging loop. Have you moved into your new home?
Eva! Yes, we're in. But we're renting a truck this weekend to pick up the rest of our stuff & to drop off a bunch of stuff at the dump. I used to love going to the dump when I was a kid. Now, not AS fun. ;-)
ReplyDeleteSo good to see you. I love reading everything you write. Wish I had more time to do it. Again, where does everyone sit? If you have a tile floor? Does everyone rent seating? I really am a dunce at this.
But you bring up a good point. I should concentrate not upon my fear, but upon love (agape), and the desire to comfort others. It's only that, until I became a parent, I had no clue how to comfort others. I'm best at making others uncomfortable. Hopefully it's a skill I will be able to master with time.
I want to put on a black beret and attend one of your parties. Shake those Southerners up.
Cushions on the floor, or fold out chairs (we keep 8 stacked in the closet), stools, ottomans, couches, window sills, whatever you've got -- just clear them off and put them in as many inviting places as possible . . . . I don't do sit-down affairs, just buffet or cocktails or hors d'oeuvres. I don't like the formality, much less the timing challenge of a sit-down, unless we're only dealing with a couple of guests. And we have motley, eclectic dishware -- nothing fancy, so I like to use nice bowls and platters and then have people eat on paper or Corel.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm sure you don't make people uncomfortable!
Eva, your tips are invaluable to me & more helpful than you may realize. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteHeather! You'd love it at our house. I'm never ever puffy or hairy. Well, maybe a little under the eyes and armpits sometimes, respectively -- but not for very long.
ReplyDeleteI don't get formal either, I see that as for insecure people, which I don't see you as. At all.
Jannie, I've seen your picture and you don't seem all that puffy or hairy. You're certainly sporting less puff than moi. And people don't look puffy and hairy to me all the time, just when I'm paralyzed with fear at the thought of putting on Charo's Spanish guitar cd and handing them an undercooked tapa.
ReplyDeleteInteresting and incredibly insightful comment re: formality and insecurity. I have never thought of it that way. It's like you tapped me on the brain with your Jannie Bananie and put a thought into my head. Thank you!