Sunday, May 24, 2009

Comments Permanently Awaiting Moderation


I've got a few Wordpress blogs at which I don't actively post. That doesn't stop the spam comments from coming in. One of my happy Heather secrets is to respond to them in my head. It's a real stress buster! Today I'm going to share some of my responses with you.

Outgoing links & anchor links to "Online Casino" etc. omitted to punish the guilty.
My responses in red.

* Note, I have received several responses from cherished blogging pals who may have misunderstood this post. People who compliment you, your blog, or your writing style are necessarily spammers. I knew these comments were from spammers because where their name would be they put anchor links to places like "Casino Cruise". I omitted the anchor links and text from this post for obvious reasons. If there were any doubt as to their sincerity the benefit of my doubt would have been offered up wholeheartedly. :)
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    Monitoring websites of investment programs are irreplaceable in this passive making money scheme:*** Did you grab words out of a hat and randomly place them on the comment form?
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    Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind. It was joke ;) Spamming me is a reason why it is great to be gay? Porn movies designed with MY mind in mind? Unless they involve jello puddin' pops and Great Danes, I think not.
  • Reason why is great to be a gay ;)
    The garage is all yours. Joke :) Okay, this one I agree with. All my gay friends tell me that giving away garages is the highlight of their day.
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  • Интересный пост, спасибо. Интересует только вопрос - будет ли продолжение? :) Took the words right out of my mouth.
  • One of my buddies is always talking about your blog at work - finally came and checked it out today, nice work! I'm subscribing to your rss feed - keep on posting! LIAR!!!!!!!!
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    This is very good post , This is giving good information . It’s real informative blog . Your site is too good. Informative? See, that's how I know you're a spammer. Shuck off!
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    My name is Jessika! Hi! My name is DELETkE!
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  • Very usefull post.
    Thanks.
    P.S. I like your writing style. No you don't. You're playing on my emotions and desire for validation in order to peddle your snake oil. Off my blog, vermin! Scat!
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    webmaster:
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    Joan I don't network with people skinnier, smarter or funnier than myself. As you can imagine, I spend a lot of time alone.
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21 comments:

  1. Hi! :) Great stuff here, I like what you say here, keep it up!

    PS: I like your writing style
    PPS: Not sure that this is true :) but thanks for a post.

    hahaaha!!

    You are funny, I don't get the weird first ones but I do get the short statements like above... I like to believe they really do like my writing style, haha. Maybe I'm just lying to myself.

    You are too funny!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well thank you very much Future Mama!

    Remember that their spam links were taken out. Some of the comments seem like they could possibly be sincere, but when the poster is "Online Casinos" you know you're being played.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm actually feeling a little unloved because I never get spam comments. Or maybe I do and I'm just too naive to realize it, while totally believing that people really do love my writing style. That spammer was pretty creative, though...the whole "my co-worker was talking about your blog" was a good opening line.

    Shuck off? That's a new one I hadn't heard yet...mind if I borrow it?! Can't wait to use it on the hubby when he asks me what I've done all day.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Helene trust me, you don't want them! Knock on wood, I don't get them on my Blogger blog (yours is Blogger as well). Only on the Wordpress ones. I think part of the reason is that I put a "Do Follow" widget on there and made a post about it. BRILLIANT! lol (long story)

    You are not too naive. Trust me. The names are like "Make Money at Casino Sex Club" and links go back to some awful place. You'd know.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Chalk up one more reason for me to move BACK to Wordpress. I'd forgotten how HILARIOUS some of the spam could be.

    I enjoy a variation on this post, from time to time. I look through my stats, and I am occasionally moved to answer some of the questions and searches that bring people to my blog.

    They haven't been all that amusing, lately. Then again, I haven't given them a close look in over a week; there might be something there I can use.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm still getting a lot of searches on "how to spell the sound a kiss makes." Somebody? Anybody? I hate letting my readers down.

    You inspired this, Heather. Be ashamed. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  7. I agree, Holly. They're totally funny to me. Which in itself is funny given that I have no right to snicker as I speak my own version of Engrish.

    Loved your post!!! I'm going to do one of those myself someday, if anyone ever finds this blog through a search other than the one to your smoothie recipe.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hello. Thank for opportunity to read your site. And write. Great post. I will think more on this.
    :-D

    ReplyDelete
  9. And this one...Интересный пост, спасибо. Интересует только вопрос - будет ли продолжение? :)

    I get that one too, a lot - must be a big club of admiring fans you and I have, cause you and me are soooo beeyooteefull!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Heather HappymakerMay 27, 2009 at 11:08 AM

    Jannie, you are so funny. I remember one time you entered a comment so strange and hilarious that I actually thought it was someone pretending to be you!

    Whoops looks like Comment Luv is on the fritz the cat again. Thanks for inadvertently bringing it to my attention.

    ReplyDelete
  11. It is all crystal clear to me, now. Jannie's comment got me to joking around with Google's translation tool (which is usually pretty GOOD, despite my contention that machine translations will ultimately lead to WWIII), and - in honor of my plagiarist friend A. Kiron in the Ukraine, I wrote:

    "You do not mind if I put a fictitious name on your free article and pretend that my imaginary friend wrote it, do you?"

    Click English > Ukrainian, and you get:

    Ви не заперечуєте, якщо я ставлю на вигадані ім'я на безкоштовну статтю і зробити вигляд, що мій друг уявної написав, ти?

    Now, "round-trip" it, and it comes back as:

    "You have no objection if I put in a false name to the free sex and pretend that my imaginary friend wrote you?"

    IS IT ANY WONDER WE HAVE MISUNDERSTANDINGS ONLINE???? @#$%!

    Recent blog post: Chicken Stuffed Peppers with Valley Fresh Steamers

    ReplyDelete
  12. Heather HappymakerMay 27, 2009 at 11:38 AM

    By George, I think you've got it Holly! You've solved the mystery of why spammers seem so crude! The poor devils are most likely all foreign-born and using translators. That's way too funny! Let's co-write a blog where people are only allowed to post articles and comments after they've first been passed through translators! lol

    Recent blog post: Comments Permanently Awaiting Moderation

    ReplyDelete
  13. Heather HappymakerMay 27, 2009 at 2:10 PM

    I'm there, Holly! lol

    Hey, is JS-Kit loading slow for you as well? It's so slow on my page that people are commenting on Blogger and it's not showing up because JS-Kit is still loading! I'd dump it if it didn't allow me to email comments to people.

    Recent blog post: Learn more about Jannie Funster!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Go over to the js-kit site and read their blog. They've changed their
    authentication method; you might want to follow the directions and allow it.
    I was having some issues this morning, but they seem okay now.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Heather HappymakerMay 27, 2009 at 4:51 PM

    Thanks. It's still funked over here and there, but hopefully it will get back to normal very soon.

    Got to love how my photo is four times as big as yours. Heh.

    Recent blog post: Learn more about Jannie Funster!

    ReplyDelete
  16. That's 'cause your head's four times bigger than mine! LOL! ::grinning, ducking, running::

    Recent blog post: Acrobatic Parasailing

    ReplyDelete
  17. There, is that better? 8-)

    Recent blog post: Acrobatic Parasailing

    ReplyDelete
  18. Heather HappymakerMay 27, 2009 at 5:15 PM

    Wait, my head is small again! EQUAL to yours! That's simply not acceptable. How did you do that???

    ReplyDelete
  19. These were fantastic but it is disappointing to know that people I thought were only wwriting to me are writing to you also.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Heather HappymakerMay 28, 2009 at 8:08 PM

    Do you feel as used and cheap as I feel, Wade?

    ReplyDelete

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