Trouble With Bug Tape

My husband looked me square in the eye last night and said, "I've got a Dennisism to share with you". As you can imagine, I was both excited and a little fearful. Here is my account of his recollection:

[At work the exterminator puts in bug plates on the floor]...So one of those bug plates that the exterminators put in there that has the sticky stuff to catch the bugs..? It had flipped over and somebody had walked on it and it got stuck to the carpet. So I see it there and try to peel it off and as I'm trying to peel it of it's very difficult but it's still...it's coming off a little bit but it's sticking to my hand. So at some point I don't even have my fingers free anymore because they're covered with this bug stuff.

So I start to pull it off and stuff like that and whatever I pull off of one hand sticks to the other hand and so I go into the restroom thinking hot water will help and I'm rubbing it on the plastic inside the liner of the trash can to get it to stick. I get some of it off there. I stick my hands under hot water to try to wash it off. So some of the paper is coming off a little bit so I do what I can and turn the water off and I grab a paper towel and then I realize that I'm drying my hands on the paper towel and the paper towels are sticking to my hand so all the paper's back on my fingers again. So at this point I'm like well okay I'll wash it off again and this time I'll let my hands dry—just air dry, you know? So I wash my hands and get as much paper as I can off of there and I stand there in the bathroom with my hands in the air trying to get them dry. I also have to go somewhere in my car and I have to get going so I can't have sticky hands.

So anyway that's what's going on and I'm getting stressed and I get the poops and I realize I have to sit down and...you know...go to the bathroom. So I sit down and come time to wipe and I grab the toilet paper and wipe and I realize I can't get the toilet paper off my fingers—it's stuck! So then I have to grab another piece of toilet paper with my other hand and try to grab the other paper so it doesn't stick and it literally is just... So through trial and error and thousands of rolls of toilet paper I finally get myself to where I want to be and I flush the toilet and get up and I've got to wash my hands again and get a bunch of paper off of there and stuff like that. So I get the paper off as much as I can but the sticky stuff is still on my fingers. I have to get in the car so I put gloves on and just hope my hands will sweat and the sticky stuff will come off so I wore gloves there and back. Even when I got back my hands still had paper stuck to them. That's my story.

Me: Baby! How did that make you feel?
Dennis: Like a character in a Jim Carrey movie.